In my investigation, I uncovered a letter from Lieutenant General James Garner of the U.S. Air Force (no relation to the actor) to the North Pole Aviation Administration who is in charge of all flights by St. Nickolas and his reindeer team in and out of the Arctic region.The letter stated that the U.S. government and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration were concern about reindeer crap causing so many accidents and made some suggestions to help the problem.The letter was responded by an uncharacteristic photo of an old fat guy’s ass sitting on a copy machine.

According to international law, no government, not even the United Nations has jurisdiction over the North Pole.So it all boils down to the fact that “we” are going to have to be on the defense from reindeer strikes and while you’re at it, be on the lookout for drunk drivers, Christmas carolers and don’t let Grandma get run over by a reindeer!(Damn, I hate that song!!!)

I hope you and your family have a safe and fun holiday season and a better 2011!!!!!!

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

The post Happy Holidays everybody! Holiday Travel Warning appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

You know the song;

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…

With drunk Uncle Ned

And Cousin Ed coming out of the closet

And saying he’s queer! It’s the most wonderful time of the year!!”

Yes, the holidays are here and with that comes the TURKEY, YEAH!!!! I love holiday meals that someone else took the time to cook and I get to reap the rewards! But remember boys and girls, turkey contains an essential amino acid called L-tryptophan that can cause drowsiness more than listening to Uncle Rick’s boring fishing stories. But truth be told, some nerdy scientific experts say that tryptophan would have to be ingested on an empty stomach and with no other amino acids in order to make you sleepy. It’s actually the fat contents of Grandma’s cooking, alcohol and over-eating which makes your fat ass tired.

But this isn’t a lecture on nutritional contents and dysfunctional families; this blog is to inform you on the dangers of fatigue driving in America. Did you know, according to the National Sleep Foundation, over 100,000 auto accidents are the result of fatigued driving in the U.S. every year? I don’t know what’s more surprising, that alarming fact or the fact that “sleep” has its own foundation! Some states such as Texas, New Jersey and Florida have included fatigue driving under their DUI laws. Driving safety experts say that a drowsy driver is just as dangerous as a drunk driver.

Now I can understand if you are ready to get the hell of out of your parent’s house after the holiday meal, because you are reminded of why you wanted to move out in the first place. But make sure you are mentally alert for the drive back to your home, hotel or nearest bar. Besides, after the family get-together, I’m sure you’ll have plenty to talk about on the way home with your other passengers.

I hope you have a safe and happy holiday season. Remember to have a designated driver when drinking alcohol and don’t drive under the influence of fatigue!

Join me again next week and until then…

Take Care and Be Safe-

Danny Keaton

The post Thanksgiving for speeding tickets appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.