Sick Driving

Daun Thompson — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:12:30 +0000

The holidays are here! Entire families will be getting together. My parents are preparing their 900 mile journey to my house for Thanksgiving. Now that my parents are both retired, their favorite topic of conversation is their funeral plans. So my sister and I already know what we’re in for. Last year, my Mother cornered me at the dinner table “Do you like that china? I’m leaving it to you when I’m gone.” That’s just awkward, isn’t it? I don’t know any other way to get her to stop, other than dishing it back at her. “I’m having a dinner party next weekend Mom, how are you feeling?”

While some of us prefer to fly due to time constraints…and time is money! Families like the Duggars will have no choice but to drive. And perhaps a bus…I mean with 19 kids (and counting)? Yikes! Or should I say “ouch”. Some people are down with the long distance trek. With the economy the way it is now, many people commute to work as if it’s a cross-country trip. And, on a daily basis. You may want to burn a candle for those people if you make it to holiday mass.

The holiday season get-togethers, rubbing elbows during travel and other close encounters will also spread the cheer of the cold and flu season. Be careful driving while sick. Cold medications can most certainly make you drowsy. And, in most states, you could be arrested for drowsy driving. In fact, it’s just as dangerous as drunk driving. Even over the counter cold medications such as DayQuil or NyQuil. You know, anything that actually comes with its own shotglass is a pretty good indication that it’s some potent stuff. By the way, I’ve created my own favorite holiday drink. I call it the Green Weenie. Ever heard of it? It’s NyQuil and hot dog water. By the way, mixing cold medications with your holiday cheer is even worse. Theraflu and Vodka? No! Although, some people swear that a snoot of whiskey helps to ease (or kill) the cold and flu virus. I bet they wish the guy at the liquor store would take their co-pay like the pharmacist does! Just remember to not drink and drive.

And that tissue box you have in the back window of the car may just come in handy afterall. Can’t reach it? Just slam on the brakes and hold out your hand. Voila’! I’ll be back next week. Until then, practice responsible driving.

Daun Thompson

The post Sick Driving appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

Babies Are Mean

Daun Thompson — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 20:33:19 +0000

Child safety has gone from being an “option” to having enforced laws with stiff penalties. In Texas, a child must be secured in a booster seat or car seat until their 8th birthday or until they reach 4′ 9″. Whichever comes first. People are shocked when they hear this. These days, an eight year old has the mentality of a teenager. So it’s likely embarrassing for most kids. But it’s all about child safety. Not about humiliating kids. Although I’m all about humiliating kids. I have one of my own. And I’ve been trying to get back at her for all of the mean things she did to me when she was a baby. Like the church incident. She was too young to go into the bible study class. So she would sit on my lap on the pew. When I would sing, she would put her hands over my mouth and cry. We quit going to that church. I was too embarrassed to return. Even babies know if you have a terrible singing voice. Bottom line…babies are mean. I didn’t even have to punish mine. Just riding in the back seat of the car, facing backwards in her car seat seemed to be punishment enough. Although she couldn’t yet talk, I just knew she hated it. Currently, an infant must remain in the backseat, facing backwards in their car seat until they are one year of age (or a size 12 months…I just threw that in). Both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration released statements in March that suggest a child remain facing backwards until they are two or three years of age. You know they’d have to redesign those car seats if they did change the law. I know you’re thinking “those people who come up with the suggestions must not have children of their own”. But, again, it’s all about child safety. With a child, you can never be too safe. The logic behind these suggestions, babies tend to have large heads. No, really, hear me out. You ever see someone’s baby for the first time and you’re thinking to yourself “Wow! What a huge melon on that kid.” And you anticipate that it’s first words will be “Take me to your Leader”. That’s mean, isn’t it? Again, I’m still trying to get back at babies for what they have done to me. Not all babies are pretty. I don’t care who the parents are. Ever seen those paparazzi pictures of Brad and Angelina’s baby? The head’s the size of a casaba melon. Crib toys are rotating around this baby’s head.

My point? Oh yea…large head, small neck. In a front or rear end impact, the head jerks forward when facing forward. Resulting in head, neck or spinal injuries. While facing backward, the entire body absorbs the impact. Hence the safety issue.

And, for those kids who won’t stay in their child car seat or booster seat? Try duct tape. It now comes in kid-friendly pastel colors.

Until next week… keep the kids strapped in.

Daun Thompson

The post Babies Are Mean appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

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Sick Driving

Babies Are Mean