dallas Archives - Comedy Defensive Driving®

Traffic and Ramp Construction

Daun Thompson — Fri, 11 Jul 2014 17:31:31 +0000

Well, it’s Superbowl Sunday, and I would only watch the game if they released a live lion onto the field. That would make it a little more “sporty” and more interesting to watch. I really wish I liked football and have tried, honestly I have. But I find it as boring as watching paint dry. I did, though, like the half time show as most women do. And I do know some women who like sports about as much as men do. Oddly, those women are always hitting on me.

Also, I’ve noticed that most women, unlike men, don’t like to drive. Driving, to me, is a chore. Especially with the traffic we have here in the city. It takes forever just to get across town. You leave the house clean-shaven and by the time you get to your destination, you have a full beard. And a woman my age can totally grow a full beard. I’ve seen it and I know you have too. I mean, not in the mirror, but on other women.

In Texas, they are doing construction on most of the freeways all at the same time. So it’s been a mess here with traffic and ramp construction. What would normally have been a 15 minute drive, took me one hour and 45 minutes. And that wasn’t even in rush hour traffic. I have noticed that, in my defensive driving classes, I have more people getting a speeding ticket for entering and exiting the freeway too fast or speeding on the access road on either side of the freeway to get up to speed before entering the ramp. The problem is, the ramps are too darned short here. In fact, they’re dangerously short. And, I read something a few years ago that stated “Texas is planning to lengthen the ramps where they can. And they are going to take responsibility for how some of our highways and roads are poorly designed.” So, years later, they actually are keeping their promise and lengthening the ramps while they are widening the freeways. Now, many entrance ramps are long enough that you can actually get up to speed to merge in with the flow of traffic. And you have lengthy exit ramps to get from freeway speed, down to access road speed without locking up your breaks to reduce your speed.

Another problem, in addition to the short ramps, is that people seem to be doing 80 in the slow lane and 45 in the fast lane (passing lane). You must get up to speed to be able to merge in with the flow of traffic. And, on a short ramp, unless you have a crotch rocket motorcyle or a reallly fast car, you have to get a good, running start on the access road. Hence, the speeding ticket you will receive. You’re not supposed to exceed the speed limit on the access road until you enter the ramp, which is impossible.

So, thank you, Texas, for keeping your word and lengthening those ramps. Until they lengthen the ramps on your commute to work, you may want to go out and purchase a crotch rocket motorcyle or a really fast car. And, perhaps those of you who like to do 80 in the slow lane can consider moving over to another lane and let the ramp enter the freeway. In traffic, it wouldn’t hurt you to let one car, per car enter the freeway from the ramp. It’s affectionately called the “zipper.” Some people will, while other people won’t let anyone in because they think it’s going to make them later than they already are, and then you have the good samaritan that has to let a half dozen cars in at one time. Thinking he’s doing his good deed for the day. And the guy behind him is counting how many bullets he needs to put in the chamber of his gun because he’s not so happy.

So, be patient, be courteous and good luck out there.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Traffic and Construction – Comedy Defensive Driving

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MOVE it OVER…IT’S THE LAW

Daun Thompson — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 17:43:37 +0000

I am curious as to how many people really don’t even know about the Move Over Law and what it means. The law went into effect September 1, 2003. Just this week, a Denton, Texas police officer stopped to help a stranded motorist on I-35 and both were nearly hit. The incident is being used to remind drivers about the importance of the Texas “Move Over Law.” The officer has 4 children from a newborn to an 8 year old. He could easily have been killed. And all because someone doesn’t know about or doesn’t care to practice the Move Over Law. When pulled over, we are told that we should always try to pull over to the right shoulder. I still see police writing tickets on the driver’s side of the car. Why not the passenger side? It seems safer. And, if you hit them, I hear the ticket is much, much higher. Not to mention possible jail time. I wouldn’t do well in jail, would you? I absolutely hate bologna.

SB 193 requires drivers nearing stopped emergency vehicles with lights activated to either slow down or change lanes. In other words, the law states a driver must either vacate the lane closest to the stopped emergency vehicle if the road has multiple lanes traveling in the same direction or slow down 20 miles per hour below the speed limit. (If the speed limit is below 25 mph the driver must slow down to 5 mph.)

Emergency vehicles include police, emergency medical service and fire vehicles. As well as tow trucks which were added this last year.

A violation is punishable by a maximum fine of $300. If the violation results in property damage, the maximum fine increases to $600. If the violation results in bodily injury, the offense is enhanced to a Class B misdemeanor.

Although this law went into effect over 8-1/2 years ago, according to police, people aren’t doing that. In fact officers say already last year they handed out over 685 tickets to people. In 2010, 723 tickets were given out, the year before that 905 tickets.

Because of this, officers are teaming up. While one goes after traffic violators, a partner will monitor passing traffic. Kind of like a smack-down tag team. And, if you’re speeding, you could get another ticket on top of that. Like a double-whammy smack-down…cha-ching!

According to the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund, 184 law enforcement officers were killed between 1997 and 2008 after being hit by a car or truck in the line of duty. The National Fire Protection Association said 26 firefighters were hit and killed by motorists while on the job between 1990 and 1999.

So, for crying out loud, slow down or change lanes for stopped emergency vehicles. And, it only makes sense to do the same if another car is broken down or pulled over on the shoulder. Both for your safety and for theirs. Have you ever been parked on the shoulder to change drivers, or to get something out of the trunk…or to dump a body??? It feels like those semi-trucks are going to suck you right under them. So, move it over!

Until next week…

Daun Thompson

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YOUR SICK RIDE

Daun Thompson — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 19:24:01 +0000

Why does my garage floor look like a Jackson Pollock painting? Swirls of lubricants and oils, yellow, red and blue. Something is leaking from somewhere and I need to get to the bottom of it before it’s too late. My car is slowly bleeding out and I don’t know what to do. It would be a whole lot cheaper if I could just put a tourniquet on it. And, boy do I wish my mechanic would just accept a co-pay. Before my car runs hot, loses its brakes, or has a transmission that slips due to fluid loss, there is a window of time that the fluids involved are visible around the car. This would be prior to your car’s instrumentation detecting a problem. This is why it is a good idea to walk around your car. Antifreeze will show up in the extreme front of the car, while transmission fluid is usually further back and brake fluid will be found around the perimeter. In addition to fluid leak issues, there are other tell-tale signs of an impending issue with the health of your car. A front end that shakes badly may be due to a bad tire or perhaps suspension issues. Alignment and rotating your tires regularly will make your tires wear evenly and will make them last longer. Axles sometimes begin to make noises which may be the result of a bad wheel bearing or hub. This can be a very costly fix and the longer you let it go, the more expensive it is going to be to fix. The grinding will wear down the metal and at some point, they can’t just be ground down, they will have to be completely replaced. Trust me, I know. The louder the grinding noise gets, the worse the problem is getting. Just like your relationship with that nagging, angry significant other. Either way, turning the music up to drown out the sound will only prolong the problem.
Until next week…take care of your ride. And, in turn, it will take care of you.

Daun Thompson

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Improving Your View

Daun Thompson — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:58:20 +0000

I took an evening to see a movie with a friend. There is nothing more alluring than seeing a film on the big screen. The surround sound is something you cannot get at home. Well, maybe now with the home theatre set-up. But no one can even hear it between family arguments at my house. So going to the theater was somewhat of a stay-cation for me. It had been a while since I had ventured into this particular theater. Between the price of admission and a large popcorn, I realize this is why people really cry at the movies. This was, at one time, a popular film that we were seeing. But it had been in the theater for nearly a month so the venue was nearly empty. We got a perfect pair of seats, smack dab in the middle. Not too close and not too far from the screen. Lo and behold, right before the film began, someone plopped down into the seat directly in front of me. Now, I am all of 5’2″ when standing. And this guy must have played for the Dallas Mavericks or something. I couldn’t see a darned thing. And his head was like a giant pinata. Or, rather, more like the size of a Macy’s parade balloon. I swear there were little people holding ropes on the ground around him to keep his head steady. And, to top it off (no pun) the guy was wearing a hat. In the movie theater! And he was absolutely clueless! You are aware that this is why Abraham Lincoln was shot at the theater. It was that damned top hat. I bet lots of gentlemen in those days never lived to see the end of a production because they simply forgot to remove their top hats. I only know this about Lincoln because I went to Lincoln High. Our school mascot was a guy wearing a top hat who was slumped over in a theater chair. Not a lion or a pirate like other schools… An assassinated president. Where is this going, you ask? This is all about allowing people to block your view. When driving, it’s always a good idea to keep a safe following distance between you and the car in front of you. Rather than tailgating him and really making him mad. If that car in front of you isn’t a car at all, but rather a tall truck or S.U.V., moving over to another lane where you can see ahead of your intended path of travel would be a good option. Keep a clear view ahead so you have better reaction time. Just like at the movies, so you don’t miss anything. And so there is no surprise ending!!

Until next week…space it out…put some safe space between you and the guy in front of you.

Daun Thompson

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Looking For The Signs

Daun Thompson — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 18:23:11 +0000

I haven’t gotten a ticket in many years (knock on wood). And, you certainly don’t want to “brag” about it, or the Karma Monkey will trip you up. When that happens, you get three tickets in a row. Like celebrity deaths. I know for me, it’s just a matter of time before I get a speeding ticket. Honestly, I speed like everyone else. I have to. Unfortunately, if you don’t speed, people will mow you down. I hear, in some states, if everyone is speeding and you’re not speeding (i.e. not keeping up with the flow of traffic), you get a ticket for impeding traffic. That’s not a bad idea. Although, the truth of the matter is, it’s likely that the people impeding traffic are doing 45mph in the left lane. And they’re weaving. When I was a kid, if you saw someone driving a little under the speed limit, weaving in and out of their own lane, they were likely drunk. Now, when you see someone driving like that, they’re usually on the cell phone. And, if they’re crying into the cell phone, they’re probably drunk, too.
What’s my secret, you ask? I mean why I haven’t gotten a ticket in many years? I simply pay attention. That’s it! No witchcraft, nor magic tricks. I just have both hands on the wheel, driving like a nervous chihuahua, looking out for cops. And, of course, I’m also looking out for signs. Especially the ones where speed limits change, work zones and construction zones begin and end and where legal b.a.c. levels (blood alcohol levels) are posted. I just took a trip to Illinois to visit my folks. I rented a car at the Midway airport and got on the double nickel. From there, I hit route 80, and when I left the ramp that fed onto the highway, there was no speed limit sign posted for over three miles. At that point, I was really driving like a little old lady. Hoping I wasn’t speeding and hoping I wouldn’t be pulled over by a trooper. The speed limit, by the way, is 55mph. Who does 55? If you were going any slower, you’d be in reverse. I did notice that there was a sign posted right off the ramp that said the legal b.a.c. level in Illinois is .08! They don’t care much if you’re speeding on the highways. But, they want you to know how drunk you can be while on those highways. If you’ve ever been to Illinois, you already know, there is nothing to see. There’s nothing but corn fields and liquor stores. And liquor made out of corn.
On your road trip this holiday season, look for the signs. They just may point to a wealthier and wiser 2012. Have a great couple of holidays and join us next week.
Daun Thompson

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The Speeding Ticket…Fight it or Fix It

Daun Thompson — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 17:21:42 +0000

If you get cited for a moving violation, what are your options? You could pay the ticket. But, if you do, those points would go on your driving record and your insurance could increase as a result. Even if you check the box on the ticket to plead “Not Guilty”, and you pay the full price of the ticket, it’s as good a pleading guilty. Because the points still go on your driving record. Your best option would be to take a defensive driving class. You can take one online or in a classroom setting. Even your insurance agent would suggest you do the same.

Your other options? Well, for a nominal fee, you may purchase the National Motorists Association’s Guide to Fighting Speeding Tickets. A comprehensive collection of ticket-fighting information. This guide tells you how to handle your case in court.

However, it does not tell you how to speak to the police officer who is pulling you over. Two proven things that used to work to get out a ticket there, were A. showing cleavage, and B. cry like a girl (acting lessons used to really pay off). Not anymore. Another thing that used to work and doesn’t always now, was showing up for your court date with hopes that the officer would be a no-show. Some police are paid time-and-a-half or double-time ( incentive) to show up for their court dates.

As for how to talk to the officer pulling you over? Just be honest. That’s what they’re really looking for. Honesty. Don’t be crabby with them or try to be clever. They get enough of that all day long.

Until Next Week…keep that record clean.

Daun Thompson

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Rage in the City

Lisa — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 17:29:31 +0000

Road rage is an epidemic that has swept across America in every big city. It seems like these days it is more prevalent in today’s fast paced world fueled by technology and social media. Now you can update your Facebook by copying someone’s license plate number and calling them a ______(insert obscenity here.)

It is a sad world we live in when people act like “stupid idiots” (is that over-kill?) by getting out of their cars and getting into fights because someone cut them off, or someone is driving too slow, I sometimes wonder if we really have evolved. Even on Dr. Phil today, there was a doctor who was taped “shoving” a lady to the ground, a bit out of control for any of us but an educated man, kinda hard to believe. Of course this happened in New York City or somewhere up north. My boyfriend said that a southern boy would never put his hands on a woman, unless you’re married to her.

Have we really lost our humanity when we get behind the wheel of our vehicles? It seems like people have a “me first” attitude on our roads especially in the cities. Out in the rural areas of the country people seem to be a lot more laid back, not as selfish as the city folk. I guess no one wants to get into a collision when you have a rolling meth lab in your car.

Avoid road rage by using your signal before you turn or change lanes, use the left lane for passing only and don’t tailgate anyone (that means driving too close to the car in front of you, not hanging out in a stadium parking lot, with your face painted, drinking a keg.) If someone is honking at you, just avoid eye contact, act like you don’t even see them…in other words, act like you live in New York City. If all else fails, pull out your cell phone and your gun and ask them “which one do you want me to use?!” By the way, just kidding about the gun! And the cell phone, I threw mine at a pedestrian last week and it broke.

Until next week…be nice. And don’t call anyone a stupid idiot. It’s so immature!

Daun Thompson

(Daun Thompson is a comedienne, writer and artist living in Dallas, Texas)

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RESPECT YOUR ELDERS…THEN PASS THEM

Lisa — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 17:15:39 +0000

People love to poke fun at elderly drivers.From their sluggish driving speed to not being able to see over their own dashboard.And, well, both are a bit dangerous if you really think about it.

My parents are now about a decade past their prime retirement age. I was telling my sister how I had noticed that our parents, who have been married for over 50 years, are so terribly co-dependent that they even share reading glasses. Mom’s reading the paper in Dad’s big black framed Mister Magoo-looking glasses.She looks like a shop teacher in drag. My Dad’s reading a manual on spousal abuse. He’s wearing my Mom’s pink cat-eye glasses. Yes, the ones with the rhinestones.And now, the two of them have become so out-of-control co-dependent that they’re also on the same medications to control their diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol.And not just the same meds.The exact same dosage, too.My sister was like “Duh, Mom has cooked for both of them for 50 years…canned this and fried that…it’s not that surprising.”

So, with health issues looming, when is it time to persuade someone to turn in their keys?Since I am the adult child of an elderly driver, I realize that having a drivers license and being independent is a vital part of an elderly person’s life.Once that independence is taken away, it’s a sad existence for most elderly folks.To most, it’s a sensitive subject.But one’s major concern should be the safety of their elderly parent as well as the safety of others driving around them.My Mother confided in me that lately, my Father’s driving scares the crap out of her. That’s where the incontinent diapers comes in handy (too mean?).The latest incident, they were in a rental mini van in Florida, coming back from the dog track with two other couples from their retirement community.My Dad was following someone too close (that was her main gripe) and they hit a black bear. He didn’t see it and it totally messed up that mini van. But as he said “It’s a rental…who cares.” I’m sure all three couples had to go to Walgreens to get their blood pressure checked (too mean again??).

To help with the decision making, most states have added restrictions on elderly license renewals.And, while some seniors cause more accidents than others due to deteriorating physical and mental abilities, teenage drivers, who are less experienced cause just as many, if not more accidents. Inexperienced drivers have restrictions on them when they first start driving. In Texas, the restrictions lift after 6 months.So, some argue that restrictions based solely on age are discriminatory.

Some states require that a senior cannot renew their license by mail or internet.And most states require a more frequent renewal period for seniors. Texas requires renewal every two years for drivers age 85 or older, where regular renewal for all other drivers is six years.Some states are every 3 years for seniors.Generally, the renewal process requires a written test, road test, eye test, etc.Noting how many moving violations and/or crashes in a certain period of time would also come into play. AARP and other organizations offer driver safety programs for mature drivers, so there are programs out there. Good to know. And some insurance companies allow discounts after defensive driving courses, so it’s a good idea to take one even if you don’t have a ticket…

Too bad you can’t use that senior citizen discount for a moving violation…that’d really come in handy.

Until next week…be sweet to old people…they’ve been driving longer than you have.

Daun Thompson

( Daun Thompson is a comedienne, writer and artist residing in Dallas )

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Use the Lowest Price Traffic School

Lisa — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 14:54:36 +0000

When you attend a physical traffic school which entails one-on-one lessons with an instructor, you pay fees accordingly and it is not the most affordable option available. The lowest price traffic school is one which is conducted online, via instructional videos. One of the advantages of using an online traffic school is that you can complete your lessons in time slots that suit you, so that you can work around other existing commitments.

Choose the Lowest Price Traffic School Providing Certificates

Even if budget is your main concern, it is best to use a reputable service that also provides certificates, as a certificate may be required if you are ordered to complete traffic school. When you have a traffic school that provides the lowest price, traffic school sessions can be repeated every so often to keep your driving good and to remind you of the little things that are easy to forget when you have been a licensed driver for some time.

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Driving in the Bible belt or another reason for traffic school

Lisa — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 18:09:24 +0000

As I drive around Dallas, I can’t help but notice there are a lot of churches, no big surprise, right? Dallas is part of the Bible belt and in Texas we love our football, guns and Jesus! Not necessarily in that order and according to a recent survey by Auto Vantage, Dallas is number 2 in the nation when it comes to road rage. I’m not trying to be cynical about religion and I believe in a higher power. I think it is great that some people have a spiritual foundation but what happens to that “Golden Rule” and “love thy neighbor” thing when we get behind the wheel of our car? I now a Bible beater’s rebuttal would go something like this;

“We are only human and we are not perfect and you’re going to burn in a lake of fire!!!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing religion, either. All I’m suggesting is that we need that little light that shines to carry it with us in our cars. That way the next time some asshole cuts us off, we won’t shoot him the finger or just plain shoot him!

And with the holiday season upon us and everyone trying to get here and there, be a little friendlier out on the roads. It takes an extra second to let someone in. Turn on your signal before you turn or change lanes. Give a friendly wave when someone lets you into traffic. Don’t cut off an 18-wheeler, it takes truckers over four times the distance to stop than a regular vehicle. And no sex while driving!

Remember, a world without road rage starts with you, if someone is tailgating you, ask yourself, “what would Jesus do?” He would probably get pissed off too and send them to hell!

I hope you have a safe and happy holiday season. Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

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