defensive driving school Archives - Comedy Defensive Driving®

Dismiss Your Traffic Ticket with Our Defensive Driving School

Lisa — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 17:00:57 +0000

If you like comedy and having fun, then you will definitely want to register for our defensive driving online course that enables you to dismiss your traffic ticket after you complete our class. It is always funny, and we know that you will have a blast, like the other 2.5 million people who have completed our course since 1989, when we started our business. We have professional comedians teach our classes, and they know how to help you have a good time.

Of course, besides having fun, you will want to get rid of that ticket that is now on your driving record. All that you need to do is attend our 5 hour course that also has a 1 hour break. Enjoy a meal with other people who have traffic tickets, make new friends, and soon you will no longer have that traffic ticket on your record. You can also lower your auto insurance by up to 10% by completing our course.

Here are some other benefits of our TX defensive driving course:

• State approved and accepted by all courts in Texas
• Stamp of Approval by the Texas Education Agency
• Classes in cities throughout the state
• Complete the course in one day
• No concerns about computer connections or problems
• Guaranteed to graduate, or your course is free
• Low price for dismissing your ticket

More Reasons to Attend Our Defensive Driving School

If you would like to sign up for our defensive driving school, it is simple to do online, right here. Prices for our classes begin at $25.00 and may vary by location. Some classes include the price of a meal in your class fee. You will know the price details before you register for your class. Another advantage to taking our class is that we process certificates of completion daily. You will receive it in the mail, or you can pay an extra fee to have it shipped to you by FedEx.

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FOLLOWING DISTANCE

Daun Thompson — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 07:24:05 +0000

One of the leading causes for a multiple vehicle pileup is from tailgating. Why do people insist on following too close? Especially on the freeway, less than a car length between them and the car ahead, doing 80+ mph. Basic drivers education teaches the current formula or method to create a safe following distance (or what some also call a stopping distance). But, especially in heavy traffic, that formula goes right out the window, along with your manners and any remaining dignity. If you do go to the trouble of creating a safe following distance, another car will slip into that space, forcing you to tailgate. So, you once again you repeat the process to leave a safe distance between you and the car ahead and someone else slips into that space. Maybe that’s why people generally leave less than a car length between them and the car ahead. There’s no winning. Combine this with distractions and no clear visibility ahead and here comes your pileup and your picture on the six o’clock news.

This is why tailgating is most definitely a moving violation. With the rise of speed limits, the current following distance is now 3 seconds in dry weather. This is to be doubled to a 6 second rule in wet weather. And it is to be tripled to a 9 second rule in icy/snowy weather.

I believe that most driver education instructors teach drivers the following way. Once the car ahead of you has passed a stationary object, you should be able to count the appropriate number of seconds before your car passes the same object.

So, good luck there my friend! It may take you twice as long to get to your destination if you practice this method, but at least you will arrive (undead).

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

FOLLOWING DISTANCE – Comedy Defensive Driving School

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Home Made Winter Car Care

Daun Thompson — Tue, 09 Jan 2018 00:04:51 +0000

Winter weather conditions up north are unbearable. With a wind chill of twenty degrees below zero, I feel like a jerk for complaining about how chilly it is here in North Texas. At this point, a Florida trip sounds like the best solution. My sister Karla lives in Sarasota and boasted that she was spending her birthday on the beach at Anna Maria Island, while my eighty year old mother is house-bound in the frigid Midwest. Now who sounds like the jerk? Of course the road conditions are the major factor, but she also has to prepare her car for winter driving, which she is totally dreading. We get a few little “freak” winter storms here in the south and are never equipped for them (they call it denial). So, what if I don’t have those things on hand when these storms roll in? I certainly don’t have a snow shovel, ice scraper, rock salt or kitty litter. So I’ve recently put together a way to make my own home made winter car care kit.

I garage my car when I’m home. But when it’s out in the elements, sitting in freezing rain and snow, I find that the inside windows fog up, while they’re frosted outside. Filling something breathable like knit socks or knit mittens with silica crystals (the blue and white kitty litter crystals) and placing them in the car will absorb moisture in the air for days. Putting them on the dashboard will automatically defog the windows. And, putting them in your spouse’s underwear drawer….never mind…

And, a major annoyance is when the car doors freeze shut. Doors ice up because moisture gets on rubber window seal. Any brand of cooking spray (like Pam, etc.) can be used to create a barrier and a lubricant. Spray it on the seam, wipe off excess with a paper towel (and not with the bottom of your shoe). And…voila!

No ice scraper? Or, if you’ve ever self-plowed snow off your windshield with a credit card while the wind is cutting you in half, put a towel over the windshield when you park. A giant beach towel is perfect. When you need to go, just remove it. It may a bit stiff, but bring a big lawn and leaf bag to put it in.

No rock salt? Use a bucket of hot water, dish soap and just a splash of rubbing alcohol. Mix it all together and you have your very own deicer fluid (or “cocktails” for when you run out of booze at a holiday party…or is that just my friends who will drink just about anything when they run out of booze?) You can then pour it on your porch and the sidewalk to your car.

Until next week…drive safe

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Home Made Winter Car Care – Comedy Defensive Driving

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How to Drive In Winter Weather

Daun Thompson — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 17:49:49 +0000

Happy New Year! I just completed a 1500 mile trip, crammed in a cargo van with 9 other people. It just goes to show, some of us will do just about anything to ski Colorado. It took a bit longer to get to our destination because everyone drives the speed limit there (or under the limit). Since they legalized marijuana in Colorado, it is likely that the police aren’t issuing as many speeding tickets. They’re probably writing more tickets for people driving too slowly, or for sitting too long at a stop sign, waiting for it to turn green. We checked the weather report before leaving north Texas to know in advance what the road conditions were going to be like. Now, there’s one job where you can almost always be wrong and still get paid…the Weather Man. I’m starting to think that being a Meteorologist is akin to having an “arts” degree. Road conditions were said to be snowy and icy through the Wolf Creek Pass, so we purchased tire chains along the way. Of course, we never used them. There were signs as we approached the Pass regarding laws requiring tire chains. If you’re from that area, you would already be well versed on these laws. But, as my fellow passengers and I observed, most license plates were out of state. In fact, we saw a few from Florida. I think it’s safe to bet that most visitors (including us) probably have no clue how to drive in winter weather.

Sometimes, when road conditions are that bad, it’s best to just stay home. But, if you paid thousands of dollars for a ski package and the coolest AirBnB cabin house right on the Rio Grande, pushing through the elements to get there will make you risk everything. I mean, I’m not complaining. It’s not as dramatic as Mariah Carey being without hot tea in Times Square on New Years Eve, right? So, here is a list of safety measures to take when traveling in winter road conditions.

• Snow tires help, but if you don’t need them where you reside, then they may be a costly investment.
• Turn on your lights, even in the daytime. Just an extra measure so you will be seen.
• Drive smoothly in the tire tracks of other vehicles. Stay in the right lane.
• Leave extra space around your car, away from other vehicles.
• Carry extra winter clothing and blankets.
• Keep your cell phone charged (I have two cordless chargers that I forgot to bring with me).
• Try to keep your gas tank full. Fueling stations may be far and few between.
• Give someone your route information and keep them updated where you are.
• Keep wipers clean and wiper fluid and antifreeze topped up. Keep a snow scraper handy.
• Keep a snow shovel and a small bag of kitty litter in your trunk (also makes a good Christmas gift).

And, most importantly, be patient and keep your speed at the maximum.

Have a safe and happy new year!

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

How to Drive In Winter Weather – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Plan a Sober Ride

Daun Thompson — Wed, 20 Dec 2017 02:09:26 +0000

Honestly, the only way you can get me into an ugly Christmas sweater is after I’ve had a few drinks. Probably half of the things we agree to participate in during the holidays involve alcohol (or, are alcohol induced). Just saying “egg nog” out loud makes me nauseous. But, egg nog with rum, now that sounds okay. And fruit cake will never be okay. Petrified, unnaturally colored bits of fruit, even when hidden in one of my favorite things, “cake” reminds me of nursing homes and moth balls. In fact, I’d prefer to eat moth balls over fruit cake. Sometimes celebrating holidays with close friends and family makes us do or try things we normally wouldn’t do. Drinking and driving is unfortunately one of those things. Take the time to plan a sober ride.

There are many resources available year-round to help you to get home safe. Soberrides.org has a variety of resources available on their website including:
• Call a cab
• Rideshare
• Facebook
• Twitter
• Local Transit
The period between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day sees a dramatic increase in DUI offenses and other alcohol-related issues. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Call a cab, share a ride or secure a designated driver to change these trends. Planning ahead for a sober ride home will also allow you to let loose and have fun. Don’t wait until after you start drinking to plan your ride.

And, if you know someone who is planning to drive drunk, take their keys and tell them that you will only give them back if they eat an entire fruitcake and wash it down with a gallon of egg nog.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Plan a Sober Ride – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Costly Traffic Tickets

Daun Thompson — Wed, 04 Oct 2017 16:08:27 +0000

If you’ve received a traffic citation lately, they look like a Wal-Mart receipt. When I was a new driver, a traffic ticket was a small carbon copy and the price of the ticket was posted on the back side of the ticket. Assuming you were speeding, it would indicate what the cost was by how many miles over the speed limit you were clocked at. And the maximum cost of a ticket was around $50 (and that was probably for manslaughter). Now, speeding fines range anywhere between $180 and $400, and the price of the ticket is not printed on the ticket because some police officers are not trained paramedics. They don’t want you to have a heart attack right there in the car. But they want you to call or go online to see what the price of these costly traffic tickets are, then you can have that heart attack in the privacy of your own home.

Speeding is just the tip of the iceberg. There are other fines I have come across that may be useful to know (at least it may save you some money).

• Loud Music $144.00
• Really Loud Banda Music (unforgiveable)
• No Mud Flaps On Your Dully Truck $350.00
• Road Kill Stuck To Your Mud Flaps (unforgiveable)
• No Seat Belt $100.00-$25.00
• Fastening The Seat Belt Behind You So It Doesn’t Beep (unforgiveable)
• Not Signaling Before Changing Lanes Or Turning $177.00
• Cutting People Off Without Signaling (unforgiveable)

Some of the fines I am still waiting to see:

• TWI (Texting While Intoxicated)
• DWS (Driving While Sexting)
• DAD (Dumb A## Driving)

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Costly Traffic Tickets – Comedy Defensive Driving School

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Slow Drivers and Accidents

Daun Thompson — Tue, 26 Sep 2017 04:33:11 +0000

Although I haven’t seen a “Minimum Speed Limit” sign in my neck of the woods in quite some time, driving under the speed limit or not with the flow of traffic is currently the leading cause for motor vehicle collisions. As we all know, it is also a trigger for road rage. The general rule is that you must drive with the flow of traffic as to not impede or block the normal, reasonable movement of traffic. While it is true that speeding causes more high-impact crashes, resulting in more fatalities, slow drivers cause more crashes than speeders do.

On a multi-lane road, you may be forced to pass on the right because someone is driving too slowly in the passing lane. And disorganization and confusion can definitely lead to traffic accidents. Or, if the slow driver is ahead of you, over a hill or around a curve and you are approaching from behind at a higher speed, you may have to hit your brakes which could lead to a chain reaction of braking. Or, likely a chain of rear-end collisions and, if you are lucky enough to avoid it, at the very least it will certainly lead to road rage.

Of course we all assume that the driver is either a new driver or an elderly driver. But, oftentimes, it is simply a distracted driver. According to Carnegie Mellon research cited by distraction.gov, driving while using a cell phone can reduce driving focus by 37 percent. Anyone can drive too slowly at any given time, but keeping up with the flow of traffic and following the rules of the road will undoubtedly get you to your destination safely.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Slow Drivers – Comedy Defensive Driving School

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Fuel Shortage

Daun Thompson — Tue, 12 Sep 2017 05:18:54 +0000

When Hurricane Harvey was about to hit (and boy did it hit like a prize-fighter), newscasters were warning folks to get fuel now because there will be a fuel shortage due to Texas refineries shutting down. Of course, Texas is the energy capital of the country. They shut down as a precaution before the hurricane made landfall. And then, due to widespread flooding, more inland refineries stopped operations. As a result, more than a fifth of the nation’s refining capacity, including two of the country’s largest oil refineries was out of commission as oil companies battled flooding. So, in a panic, drivers were lined-up at gas stations, hoping to get a full tank (and filling gas cans) before the shortage. People were hoarding fuel and preparing for Armageddon. The following day, the news was reporting that people should NOT hoard fuel, as it is causing a fuel shortage…duh! Make up your MIND!

If this should happen in the future, perhaps it is best to know how to “conserve” fuel, rather than hoarding it. Here a few tips that may help…

• Check your tire pressure often (great time to check for nails and/or an ex-girlfriend’s nail file jammed in the grooves).
• Avoid idling (fact: bank robbers may be causing a fuel crisis)
• Keep your engine tuned regularly (keep it purring like a kitten…kittens eat less than a full grown cat)
• Check for extra junk in the trunk (d.i.v.o.r.c.e.)
• Be certain to use your manufacturer’s recommended grade of oil
• Keep it close to the speed limit on the highway. It will also save you from a ticket from Johnny Law.
• Try to coast to a stop. This will surely honk other people off (check…and double check).
• Avoid slowly crawling up to a speed. 15 seconds to accelerate to 50 mph uses less fuel than taking 30 seconds to reach the same speed (this will also save you from a stray bullet from the guy in the diesel truck behind you).
• Close the car windows and run the A/C. Conserving on A/C does not really help, especially at high speeds. Be comfortable on your journey…you cheapskate!

Some refer to these driving techniques as hypermiling. Most of these techniques improve your car’s fuel efficiency by reducing the demands placed on the engine. So, it’s possible to improve fuel economy by 37% just by changing the way your drive. But, there are also some hypermiling methods that are controversial and could pose an element of danger…such as riding in a big rig’s draft. Not cool, dude…your Honda Accord could become a Honda accordion!

Until next week… Cool it on the fuel.

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Fuel Shortage

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Car Color and Insurance Rates

Daun Thompson — Tue, 29 Aug 2017 14:23:45 +0000

I thought the color of your car was not significant when it comes to auto insurance. And I hadn’t really thought about it much until I saw the parking lot where they were holding a fireman’s picnic. I noticed that most of the pickup trucks there were red, just like the fire trucks parked there. I had read articles regarding “weird laws” that are still on the books in some states but they don’t likely enforce them. One such article says that in Minneapolis you cannot drive a red car down Lake Street. In Colorado, you cannot drive a black car on Sundays. This one certainly doesn’t make sense as you may need to drive a black hearse for a funeral on a Sunday, or a black limousine for a Sunday wedding (just married/just buried…same difference). But really, what is the correlation between car color and insurance rates?

Some people think that if you have a flashy eye-catching car, police take notice of your car before they would notice a bland colored car. Perhaps this is true. But if you are not driving like a bat out of hell, there would be no reason for them to pull you over. I thought since my car is the color of a yield sign (midlife crisis yellow), other drivers would see me, making it a safer vehicle to drive. I have noticed that most cars on the roads are typically white, silver or silver-blue. These colors tend to blend in with the road and sky in the background and, to me, would likely be more prone to being hit. Keeping your headlights on at all times would likely be helpful so you would be better seen.

Insurance agents say that car color does not affect your insurance rates, but keeping a lighter foot on the gas pedal will. And driving more alert, looking out for other drivers will also prevent an accident. So, keep on driving that red corvette with the top down…wind blowing through those last two hairs on your bald head. Just keep it within the speed limit.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Car Color and Insurance Rates – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Emotional Impatient Drivers

Daun Thompson — Tue, 01 Aug 2017 05:26:09 +0000

Drivers are so emotional these days. Every little thing is a trigger for road rage. I remember when, if you wanted to pass another car, you would flash your headlights at them. And it meant “I would like to pass, would you please move over.” Now flashing your headlights means “Get the heck out of my way.” When did we become such impatient drivers? And honking your horn? Forget about it. There’s no friendly honk. Heaven forbid you should lay on the horn. But even if you give someone a little toot to snap them out of their distracted moment to proceed when the light turns green, they lose it. I have heard that there are some intersections in NYC where the traffic light actually honks when the light turns green. What a brilliant idea. This takes the pressure off of drivers and puts it on the traffic device. Although I haven’t been able to find any proof verifying this traffic light with sound effects, I did find that in Japan, some lights make a Cuckoo clock sound, but that is probably not for drivers, but for blind pedestrians. Still, either way, it’s an excellent idea.

I was making a joke in my Comedy Defensive Driving class that, perhaps they should slip a little Prozac in the water system to mellow people out. Little did I know that there may be a bit of Lithium in the groundwater or drinking water in some cities, and this is what I found.

According to the US National Library of Medicine National Institutes of Health,
Using data for 27 Texas counties from 1978-1987, it is shown that the incidence rates of suicide, homicide and rape are significantly higher in counties whose drinking water supplies contain little or no lithium than in counties with water with higher lithium levels. These results suggest that lithium has moderating effects on suicidal and violent criminal behavior at levels that may be encountered in municipal water supplies. Comparisons of drinking water lithium levels, in the respective Texas counties, with the incidences of arrests for possession of opium, cocaine, and their derivatives (morphine, heroin, and codeine) from 1981-1986 also produced statistically significant inverse associations, whereas no significant or consistent associations were observed with the reported arrest rates for possession of marijuana, driving under the influence of alcohol, and drunkenness. These results suggest that lithium at low dosage levels has a generally beneficial effect on human behavior, which may be associated with the functions of lithium as a nutritionally-essential trace element.

It was just a joke, guys. Apparently, as most jokes, not a very original one since someone has already thought about this, studied it and implemented it. I’ll have to read more about this and help spread the word to promote World peace, calmness, less crime and of course those awesome honking traffic lights.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Impatient Drivers – Comedy Defensive Driving

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