A TX defensive driving class will let you wipe out one traffic ticket a year, provided the speeding offense is less than 25 mph. Not only will you not have to pay the ticket but it will strike it from your record, preserving your perfect record and keeping it from putting points on your license. A visit to Comedy Defensive Driving will give you everything you need to get started on your defensive driving class.

The post TX Defensive Driving School is The Only Option To Keep Your Driving Record Clean appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

“We are only human and we are not perfect and you’re going to burn in a lake of fire!!!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing religion, either. All I’m suggesting is that we need that little light that shines to carry it with us in our cars. That way the next time some asshole cuts us off, we won’t shoot him the finger or just plain shoot him!

And with the holiday season upon us and everyone trying to get here and there, be a little friendlier out on the roads. It takes an extra second to let someone in. Turn on your signal before you turn or change lanes. Give a friendly wave when someone lets you into traffic. Don’t cut off an 18-wheeler, it takes truckers over four times the distance to stop than a regular vehicle. And no sex while driving!

Remember, a world without road rage starts with you, if someone is tailgating you, ask yourself, “what would Jesus do?” He would probably get pissed off too and send them to hell!

I hope you have a safe and happy holiday season. Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

The post Driving in the Bible belt or another reason for traffic school appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

 The family mini-van has the stick figures of the whole family and if there is a guy driving that mini-van his balls are probably in a holder around the rearview mirror. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about the family.

The single guy has a diver flag sticker on his Jeep to impress the chicks, even though he might not know how to swim.

One time I saw a sticker that said “Honk if you love Jesus” so I honked and the lady in the other car shot me the finger! That wasn’t supposed to happen!

And check this out, they also have “WI-FI detection” bumper stickers! You put it on your window and it lets you know when you have a Wi-Fi signal. I would think it would work better on your dash but hey, you’re trying to look cool so put it on your back window so everyone can see it.

But one thing I also noticed when noticing all these bumper stickers is that I wasn’t paying attention to the road! Bumper stickers are major distractions for drivers across the country. According to the California Department of Motor Vehicles, 80 % of crashes and 65% of near-crashes are caused by some form of driver distractions and yes that includes drivers trying to read bumper stickers! One of my favorites is, “If you can read this, you are too close” and next thing you know, BAM, you hit the person in front of you! If you must share a clever extract make sure it only contains a short sentence like “Obey Gravity, It’s the Law.” Anything more than one sentence can be a distraction, besides who would remember all that anyway?

If you have any comments or suggestions, please send them in. Join me again next week and until then…

Take Care and Be Safe-

Danny Keaton

The post Bumper stickers, they are everywhere! appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

But if you re-trace your steps, there is probably something you could have done to lessen the chances of your car being “jacked.” First, never leave your car running unattended, that’s just asking for it! You think you’re just going to run in and buy a pack of smokes and you come back out and your car is already have way to the chop shop! Keep all your valuables out of plain sight. If you leave your computer, CDs, jewelry or porn lying around, you might as well just post a sign on your windshield that says, “I’m a dumbass, please help yourself to what is mine!” Always roll up your windows even if you are parked outside of your house, unless you have farted and you need to air it out. Never, ever, leave your keys in the car! You would think that would go without saying, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to steal your ride if your keys are on the front seat. Here is a list of states and cities with the highest vehicle theft but keep in mind, you don’t have to live in these places to be a victim.

#1 California
Approx. 242,693 auto thefts per year

#2 Texas
Approx. 95,429 auto thefts per year

#3 Florida
Approx. 76,437 auto thefts per year

#4 Arizona
Approx. 54,849 auto thefts per year

#5 Michigan
Approx. 50,017 auto thefts per year

#6 Washington
Approx. 45,899 auto thefts per year

#7 Georgia
Approx. 43,163 auto thefts per year

#8 Illinois
Approx. 37,641 auto thefts per year

#9 Ohio
Approx. 37,425 auto thefts per year

#10 New York
Approx. 32,134 auto thefts per year

U.S. Cities with the Highest Auto Theft Rates
**Results are calculated on a scale of thefts per 100,000 people

1. Modesto, California
2. Laredo, Texas
3. Yakima, Washington
4. San Diego/Carlsbad/San Marcos, California
5. Bakersfield, California
6. Stockton, California
7. Las Vegas/Paradise, Nevada
8. Albuquerque, New Mexico
9. San Francisco/Oakland/Freemont, California
10. Fresno, California
11. Visalia-Porterville, California
12. Detroit, Michigan
13. Tucson, Arizona
14. Sacramento, California
15. Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
16. El Centro, California
17. El Paso, Texas
18. Vallejo, California
19. Phoenix, Arizona
20. Eugene, Oregon
21. San Bernardino, California
22. Columbus, Ohio
23. Miami, Florida
24. Los Angeles, California
25. New Orleans, Louisiana

U.S. Cities with the Lowest Auto Theft Rates
**Results are calculated on a scale of thefts per 100,000 people

1. Virginia Beach, Virginia
2. New York, New York
3. Austin, Texas
4. Arlington, Texas
5. San Antonio, Texas
6. Louisville, Kentucky
7. San Jose, California
8. Wichita, Kansas
9. Colorado Springs, Colorado
10. Jacksonville, Florida

Just a few simple methods that were mentioned can save you from being a statistic. Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

The post Dude, where’s my car!!?? appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

All Hallows Eve is just around the corner and little kids in costumes are also just around the corner! Hitting a kid dressed as a Twilight vampire is not cool but hitting a 23 year old “Man-child” still living at home, dressed as a Dungeons and Dragons character should accumulate some points. Be careful when you are driving around the neighborhoods this Halloween. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, 4,092 pedestrians were killed last year in the United States. Now when you break that down to the little children (Under 14) and Halloween, children are twice as likely to be killed as a pedestrian on October 31^st, than any other night of the year, according to Safe Kids USA. When I was a kid trick-or-treating, I thought you always had to watch out for that creepy old guy who lived on the corner and told us we had to drop our pants if we wanted some Butterfingers but now days you have to watch out for drivers, especially the ones who have been drinking!

Be out on the look for goblins and “Thriller’ versions of Michael Jackson this year, slow down, don’t drink and drive but if you drive a van, it’s probably not a good idea to slow down too much around the kids. Between the hours of 5:30pm and 9:30pm is prime time for these little dressed up bastards, so be careful, you don’t want to run over a kid who might be on their way over to egg your house!

I hope you have a fun, safe and happy Halloween this year! Don’t drink and drive and don’t sacrifice any animals to any Pagan Gods and one more thing….I still hate Butterfingers!

Join me again next week and until then….

Take Care and Be Safe-

Danny Keaton

The post Defensive driving this halloween: Trick-or-treat! appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

Why does a driver’s insurance rate drop at the age of twenty-five?

Recently, I was driving around in Irving, Texas listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ CD called Blood Sugar Sex Magik. When that album was released, I was 22 years old. Back then my driving sucked!! My insurance rates were high because of my gender and particularly because of my age. I drove my car like I drove through life, reckless. I would rush into a bad relationship like I was going through an intersection with a red light! Back then I hung out with a group of friends, like my age, that were into Native American Spirituality and we hung around the Dallas-Irving area and no, we didn’t play Dungeons and Dragons. We lived for the moment in our self deceived eternal youth. Like bohemians on the Ship of Fools we floated down the river of Nirvana. According to the insurance companies, we were in a high-risk age category for drivers more likely to cause an accident. Young drivers are inexperienced and they take more chances behind the wheel.

Yes, the good ‘ol days of grunge rock, the internet was new, we still had cassette players in our cars and I drove like a driver’s ed. school flunky. Now I believe or at least I hope my driving is much better, just don’t ask my girlfriend. I always use my turn signals even when I cut someone off. I make an effort to tell myself not to have road rage before I start my car. I don’t speed up to keep someone from moving over, most of the time. Even when there’s a homeless person standing on the side of a freeway off-ramp, I always make eye contact to tell them “no”, instead of acting like I have to concentrate to change the radio station.

Now to answer the question, “why does a driver’s insurance rate drop at the age of 25? In your brain, the cerebral cortex (frontal lobe) located behind the forehead, deals with complex decision making. This part of your brain does not fully develop until the age of twenty-five. For most men, it does NOT develop until 50, am I right, ladies?? That’s why your 30 year old husband acts like he’s still in the 7^th grade!

OK, back to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and driving in Irving, I had a spiritual awaking without the use of some organic substance. Unlike my Mantra of the past, “Live for today, F@%K tomorrow” my old school of philosophy has changed to “Slow down, you’re driving too fast!”, “Take it easy” and “Turn down that music, it’s too loud!” As I’m getting older, I’m gaining more experience and with that, come the wisdom. Just like a classic or antique automobile, you increase in value and prestige and along the way you pick up little pieces of dignity and unbridled pride.

Keep sending in your comments and e-mails. Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-
Danny Keaton

The post Driving Under The Bridge appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.