While preparing my car for a long road trip a boyfriend once told me that my life was kind of like driving a car. Every once in a while I would go off the main road and onto an unfamiliar road which winds around, way off the beaten path. But, eventually I always found my way back to the main road. He was a Psychiatrist, so I don’t know if he was analyzing me or trying to tell me in a nice way that it just wasn’t going to work out between us. Dating a doctor was fun, but I wasn’t very nice to him. I used to send him flowers, knowing that they’d die and he couldn’t save them. I recently had another guy tell me that my driving is a “road trip.” What’s up with the criticism and driving analogies? They would both be shocked to know that I now teach defensive driving. Heck, even my own father laughed when I told him that. If you like to go off the beaten path in your life’s travels and your driving is a “road trip” maybe I can offer you a few tips for preparing your car for a road trip.

Traveling out of state

If you are planning on traveling out of state, remember that each state you travel through on your road trip has its own traffic laws which may differ from your own. Some states will now allow you to show the police your auto insurance on your phone, rather than the paper copy, and some won’t. Some state laws allow you to take a right turn on red, and a left turn on a one-way road onto a one-way road on red. Some states don’t allow you to date your own cousin (not a traffic law, but just a friendly reminder). You may also be required to have both a back and a front license plate on your car. Use your signals no matter what, even if you’re in a designated turn lane. Never cross over a double solid line. And remember that the 10% cushion that police used to allow over the speed limit is a thing of the past. Police now say the speed limit sign means what it says. It’s the “limit” and if you go over the limit, they will likely write you a citation. Some states now require that you follow the officer to the local courthouse and pay your ticket on the spot before leaving their state.

Treat your car to a mechanic

Before you set out on your journey, take your car to your favorite mechanic (you know, the cute one) and have them check out your fluid levels, tire pressure, etc. Have your oil changed before you leave for your road trip. Have them top off all of your fluids, including windshield wiper fluid. Make sure your car is travel worthy for the road trip. Also, the American Red Cross offers tips for safe travel when preparing your car for a road trip. Be well rested and alert, use your seatbelts, observe speed limits and follow the rules of the road.

Here are additional ways for preparing your car for a long road trip

• Give your full attention to the road. Avoid distractions such as cell phones and nude truck drivers.
• Use caution in work zones.
• Make frequent stops. Drinking plenty of fluids will help.
• Clean your vehicle’s lights and windows whenever you stop for gas.
• Turn your headlights on as dusk approaches or during inclement weather.
• Don’t overdrive your headlights.

And remember…don’t stop off at the place on Route 66 in Arizona that says “Live Baby Rattler” … it’s a rip off.

Until next week…be safe.

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Benevolent Thesbo

Preparing Your Car For A Road Trip – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Gas Saving Tips

Here are a few fuel economy tips we may all want to implement:
* A little extra maintenance certainly keeps the repairman away. Unless you like the rugged good looks of your repairman. Then, by all means, keep doing what you’re doing. But, if you keep your engine properly tuned-up, it is one of the most important gas saving tips.
* Tuning up a car that is noticeably out of tune or has failed an emissions test can improve its gas mileage by an average of 4 percent. Something more serious, such as a faulty oxygen sensor can improve your mileage by as much as 40 percent.
* Keeping your tires properly inflated can improve your gas mileage by up to 3.3 percent. The proper tire pressure for your vehicle is usually found on a sticker in the driver’s side door-jam or in the glove box. It will also be in your owner’s manual.
* Use the recommended grade of motor oil, too. You can improve your gas mileage by 1 to 2 percent by using the manufacturer’s recommended grade of motor oil.
* Also keep your vehicle properly aligned. If your vehicle’s wheels are not perfectly aligned, they cause additional friction with the road. This increases fuel consumption. Aligning your vehicle will also increase your tires’ tread life. Replacing tires is yet another expense you certainly don’t need. Just ask your repairman/boyfriend how he feels about alignment. But first, lock the door so he can’t run away.

The most important way to save gas while driving is to drive the speed limit. I know it’s hard to do, especially when the flow-of-traffic is traveling much factor that the actual posted speed limit. If you’re driving the speed limit and everyone else is going 10mph faster, people act as if you’re driving like a little old lady. Speeding or rapid acceleration wastes gas:
* It can lower your gas mileage by whopping 33 percent at highway speeds and by 5 percent around town.
* Driving the speed limit will also save you in speeding tickets.
* Use cruise control whenever you can to help maintain a constant speed, which will use considerably less gas.
* If you have a car with an overdrive gear, that will also help save on fuel consumption.
* And remove any extra weight you may be carrying. But not the repairman/boyfriend…you may need him.

But all joking aside, the best way to save gas is to stay out of the left-lane (aka: the “Passing Lane”) on the freeway. Why? Because if you’re clogging up the passing lane and the flow-of-traffic is traveling faster then you, then you are impeding the masses and they will spend more gas trying to accelerate around you. Now you’re waisting other peoples gas as well… I mean, its not like everyone is going to slow down because you’re out there driving the speed limit! So be smart, stay as far to the right as possible… and know you’re doing your part to save gas.

Until next week…

Daun T.
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Exgas-o-holic

Gas Saving Tips for Comedy Defensive Driving

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When the sun goes down, the potential for bad things to happen increases. According to my mother, “Nothing good happens after dark.” I think she was lecturing me when she said that. But traffic deaths are three times greater at night than during the daytime, according to the National Safety Council. In addition, nighttime driving is the single biggest risk factor for teen car crashes. It’s more difficult to judge other vehicle’s speeds and distances at night. 90% of a driver’s reaction depends upon vision. And vision is severely limited at night. They say that’s also why you end up bringing home ugly women. After the sun goes down, depth perception, color recognition and peripheral vision are also compromised. That’s why I sometimes leave the house with socks that don’t match. Or, at least that’s my excuse.

Another danger of nighttime driving is fatigue. Some states have laws that make the penalties of driving while fatigued equivalent to driving while intoxicated. It’s all about responsibility, not only for your life but for others around you. I have taken many road trips at night for several good reasons. It’s cooler at night, which keeps your engine cooler. There are less people on the road which means less traffic. And, you can drive topless…truck drivers love that. Always make sure you don’t overdrive your headlights. That means you should be able to stop inside the illuminated area ahead of your car. Keep your headlights and windshield clean. This will also help with visibility for both you and the truck drivers’ view into your car.

Drive the speed limit so you will have better reaction time if a night critter crosses your path. Most road kill animals come out at night. Some go onto the road to warm themselves on the asphalt. While others just go on the road to mess with you. Never swerve for an animal. If it’s a large animal, try to avoid hitting it head-on by sideswiping it. This way it won’t become a hood ornament or end up on your lap…that would be on YouTube forever. And, whatever you do, don’t pick up hitchhikers like “Large Marge” or “Bigfoot.” They never pitch in for gas. There are “cheap” mythical creatures out there too, you know.

And, if your car happens to break down at night, try to either get your car off of the freeway, or, if you are broken down on the shoulder, turn on your signal light as if you are going to be re-entering the freeway. Don’t turn on your hazard lights. Drunk drivers are attracted to flashing lights…much like how blondes are attracted to shiny objects (diamonds, should anyone ask).

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Comedienne / Writer / Artist / Night Driver

Nighttime Driving – Comedy Defensive Driving

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• A person who persists in giving unsolicited advice.
• A passenger who constantly advises, corrects, or nags the driver of a motor vehicle.
• My boyfriend  (a.k.a the Armchair Quarterback … or A.Q. for short … he seems to know better than the players themselves and is always eager to shout advice. Where’s the darned “eject” button when you need it? Austin Powers had one!

Most back seat drivers shout their commands or list of distastes from the back seat. Where they are totally out of reach of the driver.  Not fair!  My suggestion?  Carry a flyswatter under the front seat. (By the way, Flyswatter is also a noun : A flyswatter is a hand-held device for killing flies and other pests.)

I have been driving for 35 years (43 if you count the years that I drove my drunk pappy home from the bar).  So, who seems to know how to drive better than I do?

Did you know Android has an app called “Back Seat Driver”?  What’s an Android? I have no idea. But you should get one for your baby. As long as he has to ride in the back seat, he may as well be practicing to be a backseat driver.  Practice makes perfect, you know. My daughter is 16, been out of the booster seat for over 11 years and still rides in the back seat.  Not for safety sake…she just doesn’t want to be seen with me. At least she doesn’t nag me about my driving from back there. Of course, she has her headphones on and she’s checking her email on her phone the whole time.  So, she’s just too busy to be bothered with my driving habits.

With so many distractions in the car as it is, having a backseat driver just adds fuel to the fire.  So, if you’re mister TYPE A who just loves to distract the person hauling your butt around by barking at every little maneuver that you don’t agree with, just remember…they can put you out at the bus stop. Then you can sit behind the bus driver and nag him or her all the way home. They just love that!

Until next week… let your chauffeur drive and just enjoy the ride.

Daun Thompson

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Next week we will talk about the importance of using your mirrors. Let us know what you think and give us a comment.

Take care-
Danny Keaton

The post Bad weather!!! appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

One time there was a run-down neighborhood in the inner city. Vacant houses and defiled buildings lined the pot-holed streets. A group of artists lived in the neighborhood and were tired of the eyesores and crime in the area. They went to the city for help, but were rejected.
The artists said, “We can fix our neighborhood ourselves.” All they needed were some paintbrushes, shovels and brooms. They were visionary enthusiasts. The city wanted to send in bulldozers and get rid of the squalor. The city said the neighborhood was ugly, the artist said, “No, it’s beautiful, you just can’t see it yet.”
So they all started their tasks to fix what was theirs and a guy who worked for Lowe’s saw this and told his boss. His supervisor told his boss and Lowe’s said, “We can donate building supplies, we will help you.”
Then other people started to take notice, they said “We are plumbers, electricians and laborers, we will work beside you.”
A mom and pop restaurant said, “We don’t have building supplies or construction workers, but you need food to work, we will feed you.”

Before you knew it, they had transformed a helpless, slum ward into a neighborhood the artists were proud to call home and the other people were proud to say they helped.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.”
–Mahatma Gandhi

Be the driver you would want everybody else to be. Take care and I’ll talk to you next week.

-Danny Keaton

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