fort worth Archives - Comedy Defensive Driving®

Improving Your View

Daun Thompson — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:58:20 +0000

I took an evening to see a movie with a friend. There is nothing more alluring than seeing a film on the big screen. The surround sound is something you cannot get at home. Well, maybe now with the home theatre set-up. But no one can even hear it between family arguments at my house. So going to the theater was somewhat of a stay-cation for me. It had been a while since I had ventured into this particular theater. Between the price of admission and a large popcorn, I realize this is why people really cry at the movies. This was, at one time, a popular film that we were seeing. But it had been in the theater for nearly a month so the venue was nearly empty. We got a perfect pair of seats, smack dab in the middle. Not too close and not too far from the screen. Lo and behold, right before the film began, someone plopped down into the seat directly in front of me. Now, I am all of 5’2″ when standing. And this guy must have played for the Dallas Mavericks or something. I couldn’t see a darned thing. And his head was like a giant pinata. Or, rather, more like the size of a Macy’s parade balloon. I swear there were little people holding ropes on the ground around him to keep his head steady. And, to top it off (no pun) the guy was wearing a hat. In the movie theater! And he was absolutely clueless! You are aware that this is why Abraham Lincoln was shot at the theater. It was that damned top hat. I bet lots of gentlemen in those days never lived to see the end of a production because they simply forgot to remove their top hats. I only know this about Lincoln because I went to Lincoln High. Our school mascot was a guy wearing a top hat who was slumped over in a theater chair. Not a lion or a pirate like other schools… An assassinated president. Where is this going, you ask? This is all about allowing people to block your view. When driving, it’s always a good idea to keep a safe following distance between you and the car in front of you. Rather than tailgating him and really making him mad. If that car in front of you isn’t a car at all, but rather a tall truck or S.U.V., moving over to another lane where you can see ahead of your intended path of travel would be a good option. Keep a clear view ahead so you have better reaction time. Just like at the movies, so you don’t miss anything. And so there is no surprise ending!!

Until next week…space it out…put some safe space between you and the guy in front of you.

Daun Thompson

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Friendly Alternatives to Road Rage

Lisa — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 15:55:56 +0000

Are you the type of person who doesn’t like to follow the crowd? Do you walk to the beat of a different drummer? Do you dare to be different? I’ll tell you what will set you apart from the rest of us monkeys…just don’t road rage. Nearly everyone does it, so it’s one thing that most of us do have in common. A topic in conversation that nearly everyone at the dinner party can relate to. Some studies say that road rage has become something that people almost “boast” about. Road rage gets more media hype than Britney Spears. And the truth of the matter? Since when did not being able to control your temper in public become socially acceptable? If you really want to be a novelty out there…have some road manners. You’ll be in an exclusive club. Here’s some simple solutions and friendly alternatives to road rage.
Someone’s tailgating you? Following too close for your liking? Well, you don’t want to give Mister Close a brake check. That’ll really honk him off. And, even though you’re dying to, don’t lock ‘em up either…don’t slam on your brakes so he rear-ends you. “I hope he kills me…then he’s really going to feel like a jerk.” Where’s the logic in that, you passive-aggressive monkey? Here’s a swell idea. Turn on your hazard lights if they’re following too close. They’ll think you’re going to slow way down or stop completely…perhaps your car is breaking down. Hopefully they’ll just go around you.
Want to get over? Change lanes…? (that’s what the kids are calling it). If you put on your turn signal, we all know that’s a guarantee that no one will let you over. They’ll see you. But they’ll pretend they don’t. They just won’t make eye contact with you. It’s just like walking down the sidewalk in New York City. No eye contact. And you have to signal before changing lanes or you’ll get a ticket for that. So, what to do? Signal and then put your arm out the window and give a friendly wave for someone to let you in. Perhaps it’s more personable to see part of your humanness (new word? You’ll see it in Wikipedia, I bet) hanging out the window. Hell, you don’t need that arm anyway. You’ve got another one just like it. And when you hang the arm out…look right at them. Like a sad puppy with large, moist eyes. Being pathetic may not get the babes, but it’ll get you over a lane or two. I guarantee it. Still single? You bet! So, arm out the window…not out the sunroof…remember, that’s reserved for the finger. And for God’s sake. After they do let you over, don’t forget to wave thanks at them. People get all mad if you don’t acknowledge that they did you a big solid there by letting you in. And through a tinted window, they don’t know if you waved at them with one finger or all five of them…so, you just won.
And, if someone else wants to get over in your lane? Just let ‘em over. Maybe if you start being courteous and letting people over, karmatically, maybe other people will do it for you. And just let one or two people in. Not half a dozen. Don’t over-do it. Some people think they’re being good samaritans and will let half a dozen people over at one time. While the guy behind him is counting how many bullets he needs to load into the chamber of his gun. Not cool. Over-helping sometimes creates more problems.
Here’s the thing. If you want to live longer, relax. Let it go. If not, you’ll have a heart attack in your prime. Buy a Yanni CD to mellow your butt out in traffic. And, if you live in California, smoke some pot (for medicinal purposes only, of course). Chill out. If you live in Texas, get your A/C fixed. Hot and sweaty makes people edgy. And, it’s not a good look.
Bottom line? Just don’t give other people the power to change your good mood.
You can use these suggestions…or not. I don’t really care if you don’t. But don’t tell me about it or I’ll get in my car and hunt you down. Hunt you down like the dog that you are. And I’ll flip you off while you’re waiting in that 45 minute long drive-thru line at the In-N-Out Burger. And you won’t chase me because you won’t want to lose your place in line. So, there. I just won.

Have a great day …and BE NICE!

Daun Thompson
(Daun is a comedienne, writer and artist who resides in the sweltering city of Dallas, Texas)

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PICK A LANE, JANE

Lisa — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 12:46:00 +0000

Lane courtesy is the practice of yielding to or moving over for faster moving traffic.Slower traffic should always keep to the right.It’s a very simple concept, people.

And, yes, there are benefits of lane courtesy… Besides that going to Heaven thing…

Blocking the left lane makes the roads less safe and less efficient for everyone. So, if you don’t block the left lane, you’re less likely to be in an accident. Traffic is able to flow more smoothly. And therefore, there is less tailgating, less aggressive weaving in and out of traffic and therefore, less road rage.Since there’s not a lot of play with the accelerator, you’ll get better gas mileage. Now, just look at all you have done for mankind by just getting over!

I like to believe that most people are typically courteous and well-mannered.But, once behind the wheel, behind tinted windows, where their identity is concealed, some people just act however the heck they want.With no regard for anyone else.For example, if you cut in front of someone on the road…oh well!If you did that in line at a fast food restaurant, you’d get your knot beaten in with the ketchup dispenser.

Here’s the basic concept of how the passing thing works:

An approaching driver in the left lane, when approaching, should turn on their left signal for a few seconds to let the slower vehicle ahead of them know that they would like them to move over so they can pass.The car in front should then turn on their right signal and merge to the right.If the slower driver ahead fails to respond to the left signal, the faster driver should briefly flash their headlights to catch their attention.Hopefully, the slower driver will get it and move over.Unfortunately, the flashing of the headlights now is considered a form of aggressive behavior and sometimes starts a road rage feud!Oh, yea, and don’t forget to wave “thanks”.Sometimes that alone causes road rage. Besides, waving just takes a second.Plus, they don’t know if you’re waving thanks with all five fingers or just one…through that tinted window…

There are a couple of websites devoted to this concept. One, slowertraffickeepright.com is dedicated to reducing traffic congestion through more efficient use of existing roads.Great concept, eh?Another is leftlanedrivers.org.Here, you can purchase some awesome front windshield decals which come in handy when approaching that slow driver in the left lane. I liked the ones with Slow Traffic and Move Over… both with an arrow pointing to their right when viewed in their rearview mirror. I’m ordering mine as soon as I finish this blog.

So, please practice lane courtesy when you drive. Lane courtesy is also an awesome topic of conversation at cocktail parties. Let people know why you think it’s important. Educate them. And these courtesies are not limited to the left lane. Be more respectful of people at red lights. Don’t just hang out in the right lane if you don’t intend on taking a right on red, or do not have business to take care of within the right corner of that intersection. Say please and thank you and eat all of your peas…

Daun Thompson

( Daun Thompson is a comedienne, artist and writer who resides in the grand metropolis of Dallas, Texas )

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Driver Pet Peeves

Lisa — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 21:49:43 +0000

As a defensive driving instructor, I hear all kinds of driver pet peeves. One of the most common driving pet peeves has to be tailgating. But when you have a room full of speed demons and traffic outlaws, what do you think is the number one driving-nuisance? Oh course, “slow drivers” or the “really slow drivers” under the influence of marijuana! My students think driving 10 over the speed limit on the freeway is too slow and after every class, I make sure they all get a 10 minute head start out of the parking lot.

Tailgating is a major annoyance to me and I’m sure to you too. If I’m in the left lane and I see someone coming up behind me, I move over. Don’t wait until that other driver is on your bumper, move over in time! If someone is tailgating, don’t do a break check and hope they are covered financially by that funny little gecko. Simple turn on your blinker to let them know you see them and that you are moving over.

Our world of driving in the U.S. will never be perfect, but all of us have a personal responsibility to help make it a little easier. What’s your driving pet peeve? Let me know and I’ll talk to you next week.

Take Care-

Danny Keaton

www.myspace.com/comicdemexican

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