freeway driving Archives - Comedy Defensive Driving®

STRANDED VEHICLE

Daun Thompson — Tue, 31 Dec 2019 13:00:25 +0000

My newer car shows me how many miles worth of fuel that I have in my tank. I’m not sure if that’s highway miles or city miles. It warns me when there is only 35 miles of fuel in my tank. It’s a bit ridiculous, I think, since I could go several days without driving 35 miles. The dinging and flashing doesn’t stop until I fuel up. I spent the holiday with my little old mom in Illinois. When at home, I always drive her around in her 2007 Cadillac. That way, she can relax and be chauffeured around like Driving Miss Daisy. We’d been driving for about five days, apparently on fumes. I hadn’t paid attention that her old school fuel gauge was on empty until we ran out of gas on a four-lane interstate, at night, in the middle of nowhere, with no visible mile markers or street lights. Dozens of big rigs flying by, and not moving over when they passed our stranded vehicle.

NOT THE FIRST TIME

Initially, we laughed about it and my mom reminded about the last time she ran out of gas, about 40 years ago when she was taking us to school. She thought she’d just be dropping us off, so she had on her pajamas, a bath robe and big fuzzy pink house slippers. In the dead of winter in Illinois, walking to the gas station with her gas can. When she got back to the car, those fuzzy slippers were packed in snow, making them look about 5 times their actual size, making it impossible to walk in. Again, this was the LAST time she ever let her fuel gauge get that low. But, again, I was driving and she was riding along. Neither of us paying attention to the empty gas gauge. So here, 40 years later, we found ourselves in a most dangerous predicament.

ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN

In hindsight, I wish I’d had a plan so we hadn’t sat there in danger for so long.The entire assistance process is so very different, state-to-state. In my state, there is a phone number on the back of your driver license for Roadside Assistance and Emergencies. Our tax dollars here pay to dispatch help if you find yourself stranded on any highway or tollway with a flat tire or if you run out of gas. But here, in another state, I wasn’t sure what to do. So we called the roadside assistance number on my mom’s insurance card. After about 40 nerve-racking minutes, they dispatched help from an hour away! What the heck? I searched service stations in the area, but most were closed or not calling back. So I went online to the Illinois Highway Patrol website. It said to call 9-1-1 for help. Here, if you called 9-1-1 because you ran out of gas, they’d let you have it for tying up emergency lines. But, I called the number, they sent a State Trooper who took us to a station, got us gas and we went on our way!

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE CAR IS STRANDED

Again, have a plan. Have your insurance card ready and easy to locate. Have your phone charged up, bring blankets if it’s cold. Pull as close off the shoulder as possible to leave more space between your car and those passing. But not too far off the shoulder that your 83 year old mom won’t open the door and fall into the ditch. And pay attention to your gas gauge. Unlike your insurance’s roadside assistance, it doesn’t lie.

Until next week…
Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

STRANDED VEHICLE – Comedy Defensive Driving

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EMBARRASSING DRIVING MISTAKES

Daun Thompson — Mon, 05 Jun 2017 15:05:38 +0000

I am a true believer that the chicken came before the egg. I also believe that embarrassing driving mistakes, followed by a “honk” from another driver letting you know what a goober you are leads to anger and sometimes full-on road rage. No one wants to be scolded in public, especially by a stranger. While it is currently uncool to scold a child in public, we still find it acceptable to scold an adult. I find that some of these embarrassing driving mistakes we all make (I know that I have done at least a few of these) can often be avoided.

Leaving your signal on for “eternity” is a common driving faux pas. Car manufacturers have remedied this by changing the signal so it blinks anywhere before 3-7 blinks before it automatically shuts off. Since older cars don’t have this feature, nor do “older people” with older cars, there lies your demographic. I am in that demographic. Since this happens so often, signaling to change lanes is a bit like crying wolf. If someone has their signal on in another lane, we don’t know if they really would like to move over or if they just left the darned thing on. So now, since you’ve been fooled before, you just back off for a few seconds and if they don’t get over immediately…oh well! Then you look in your rear view mirror and see them about a mile back in that same lane with that signal just flashing away!

Not going when the light turns green is another common driving mistake but this one fuels an already impatient driver behind you. And they know that the only reason you didn’t peel out like a bull out of the shoot when the light turned green can only be due to your inattention. Let’s face it, if you didn’t go because your car actually stalled out, you’d have turned your hazard lights on.

Driving too slow in the left passing lane makes other drivers completely nuts. If you are passing other cars, fine. But if you are impeding traffic by just cruising in the passing lane where no one can pass, it causes a wave of road rage. Is it possible that some drivers are not aware that the left lane is for passing only? Or perhaps they just don’t really care (which is what the other drivers around them are thinking).

Parallel parking (or parallel chicken) is a skill that is acquired with much practice. You’ll have it mastered if you are taught the proper way to parallel park by pulling next to the car you wish to park behind where your steering wheel is parallel to that car, then cutting your wheels and backing in, and then practicing that for about 20 years. That’s why some newer cars will parallel park for you.

So, stop driving like a knucklehead. Be mindful and considerate of other drivers around you. It will give you confidence and will make your driving experience at least somewhat bearable.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Embarrassing Driving Mistakes – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Energy Efficient Driving

Daun Thompson — Mon, 12 Aug 2013 14:37:15 +0000

Energy Efficient Driving

or aka: Windows Down or Windows Up
I had a gig in Corpus Christi and decided to drive there from Dallas. It seemed cheaper than flying and we were trying to economize. Besides, on the map, it was only about three inches, which is apparently equivalent to seven hours (who knew?). That’s seven long hours of nothing to see. Between Dallas and Corpus Christi, it’s just flat and ugly (like my sister Karla). And, I didn’t even get out of Dallas County before I got pulled over by a State Trooper. He was in an unmarked car with the lights in the grille, so I didn’t even realize it was a cop until he “lit me up.” Which sounds like fun, doesn’t it? Trust me, being lit up is not fun. I escaped with a warning and my heart beating out of my chest and we made it to Corpus Christ in time for the most awesome show and fun evening ever. So far, everything was going pretty well. But, the next morning, before we even got out of town, my air conditioning quit working in my car. We had to drive seven hours with the windows down on an 85 mph toll road. The irony here is, driving to save in expenses cost us dearly in the end.

So, windows down v.s. windows up. Apparently, there is a decrease in fuel efficiency of over 20% when driving at speeds of more than 55 mph with the windows rolled down. We weren’t using the air conditioner, so we were not burning more energy. But, if we had a working air conditioner, cooling the air through the compressor (which was shot) would only have decreased the fuel efficiency by about 10%, rather than 20%+.

I have a heavy S.U.V., not an aerodynamic vehicle. So, having the windows open at 85mph surely created even more of a decrease in fuel efficiency than a more aerodynamic car. The ideal situation for fuel efficiency would have been to leave the a/c off and the windows up. But we would have roasted alive. It wasn’t a pretty sight, two females complaining and sweating for 7 hours. Arguing whether windows down v.s. windows up is even an option when the thermometer is reading a whopping 114 degrees in my car.

I lost 10 lbs on that trip. Not from sweating, but from all of the complaining. My travel companion did so much complaining that she didn’t have a voice when we got home. And she wasn’t very happy about it, but her boyfriend couldn’t have been more thrilled. I believe his exact words were “Yay! No voice. You’re the perfect woman.” I only went a few days without a/c before I got it fixed. Having the windows down at speeds of 25-35 mph did noticeably save in fuel economy. Or, maybe it was my weight loss that contributed to the difference.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Sweaty Betty

Windows Down v.s. Windows Up – Comedy Defensive Driving

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That’s A Big Ten-Four – Sharing The Road With Trucks

Daun Thompson — Tue, 30 Oct 2012 00:24:36 +0000

My Grandfather was a truck driver. Casey Graham was ornery, Irish-American and a big drinker. Which wouldn’t go over well the current commercial driver license requirements . Back in those days, in wasn’t uncommon to see a truck driver traveling two days with no sleep. Or, in my Grandfather Casey’s case, with a hangover to boot, but not anymore. There are many restrictions on truck drivers now. They can only drive a limited number of hours in a day. And, they have to keep a meticulous driving log. If they get a ticket of any kind, even in their own vehicle, they cannot take a defensive driving class. So, the violation goes on their driving record. And, after a few of those violations, no one will hire them. It’s also a Federal law that they cannot text and drive. If they get caught, the fine is around $3,000.00. But, fair enough, that’s a big piece of machinery that could take out a lot of families in one fell swoop. All this seems strict and rigid, but there are over 500,000 accidents involving a truck and other trucks or other vehicles each year, with approximately 5,000 fatalities as a result. That means that every 16 minutes, approximately, in this country, someone is either injured or killed in an accident with a truck. So, it’s good to be alert and cautious when sharing the road with trucks.

Driving alongside an eighteen-wheeler is very dangerous. If one of those eighteen wheels blows, the tread from a truck tire, along with its steel belts could easily take your windshield out and possibly remove your head as well. That is not a good look for anyone. Here, we call that a “Jane Mansfield.” They call the blown out tire tread an “alligator.” And we all know that alligators bite!

Driving too closely behind an eighteen-wheeler is also a big “please don’t.” Just like the sticker on the back of the truck states “If you can’t see my side mirrors…I can’t see you.”

These two issues stated above are due to the large size of trucks causing blind spots, also known as “no-zones.”

And, when you are wanting to move over a lane, it’s not cool to whip over in front of an eighteen-wheeler…and we all have done this. There’s always a big space in front of that tractor-trailer for a good reason. It takes one nine times longer to stop than it does for a car to stop. One can weigh up to thirty times as much as a passenger vehicle. So, if you’re in the habit of whipping in front of an eighteen-wheeler, you’re Honda Accord could become a Honda Accordion.

So play it safe around eighteen-wheelers. Know what you’re dealing with. Try to be better about sharing the road with trucks. And be courteous to those poor truckers. That’s a big machine that they’re responsible for.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Comedienne / Writer / Airhead Savant

Sharing The Road With Trucks – Comedy Defensive Driving

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TEXTING IS A TRIPLE THREAT

Daun Thompson — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 19:11:35 +0000

Of all the distractions while driving, texting is numero uno. It happens to be the one that’s raising the greatest rage among safety researchers, industry critics, auto companies and federal and state regulators. Texting is taking lives, and that is provoking national outrage which is resulting in new laws and safety campaigns nationwide.
I remember when Oprah Winfrey went to the emotional heart of the issue with the launch of her “No Phone Zone” campaign in 2010. None of her employees at Harpo were allowed to text while driving and were given contracts to sign that would hold them to it.
True, there are a mulititude of distractions in the car. Eating (driving with your knees while eating a Big Mac). Changing a CD or radio station is very distracting. Men complain that women applying makeup in the car is exceptionally distracting (come on, it’s not always just women). On the other hand, women complain that men shave while driving. GPS, talking on the phone, swinging at your kids while driving are just a few more distractions in the car.
But texting while driving has a particular power to distract because it’s an activity that has visual, manual and cognitive components. A triple threat! It requires drivers to look at something other than the road, do something other than handle the wheel and think about something other than driving the car. In other words, texting involves three categories that involve major driver distraction.
Another thing to consider, you have 3 seconds to respond as a driver in an emergency.

When you text, your eyes are off the road by 10 times that. And texting’s primary danger is that it is a visual distraction. You can’t drive without looking at the road regardless of how high or low the cognitive demand is (unless you’re Stevie Wonder).
Safety regulators and researchers say texting while driving is more of a concern than other in-car distractions. Texting is widespread, particularly among young drivers who lack experience. Texting is also more distracting than many other driver activities.
According to CTIA, The Wireless Association, people sent or received 5.9 billion text messages every day in 2010. Many of them from behind the wheel of a car. About one-eighth of all drivers reported texting while driving, according to a study on driver distraction conducted by the Governors Highway Safety Association (GHSA).
Some states are reacting by making texting illegal. As of June, 34 states had enacted texting bans for all drivers. An additional 7 states prohibit texting by new drivers.And, in a survey by the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS), the majority of drivers who admitted texting were between 18 and 29. That means the biggest offenders were also less experienced drivers. My teenage daughter can text and not even look at the phone while she’s doing it. We’ll be having a conversation at the dinner table and she’ll be looking me right in the eyes while she’s texting someone. Her phone is under the table. She calls it multitasking. I call it grounded. It’s just rude. I don’t text and drive. Not because I’m smart enough to, I’m just not coordinated enough to. I have tried it and I could totally take out famillies so I don’t do it.

Texting video!

Until next week…don’t text and drive…or you could find yourself with a phone in one hand and a ticket in the other

Daun Thompson

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Improving Your View

Daun Thompson — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 20:58:20 +0000

I took an evening to see a movie with a friend. There is nothing more alluring than seeing a film on the big screen. The surround sound is something you cannot get at home. Well, maybe now with the home theatre set-up. But no one can even hear it between family arguments at my house. So going to the theater was somewhat of a stay-cation for me. It had been a while since I had ventured into this particular theater. Between the price of admission and a large popcorn, I realize this is why people really cry at the movies. This was, at one time, a popular film that we were seeing. But it had been in the theater for nearly a month so the venue was nearly empty. We got a perfect pair of seats, smack dab in the middle. Not too close and not too far from the screen. Lo and behold, right before the film began, someone plopped down into the seat directly in front of me. Now, I am all of 5’2″ when standing. And this guy must have played for the Dallas Mavericks or something. I couldn’t see a darned thing. And his head was like a giant pinata. Or, rather, more like the size of a Macy’s parade balloon. I swear there were little people holding ropes on the ground around him to keep his head steady. And, to top it off (no pun) the guy was wearing a hat. In the movie theater! And he was absolutely clueless! You are aware that this is why Abraham Lincoln was shot at the theater. It was that damned top hat. I bet lots of gentlemen in those days never lived to see the end of a production because they simply forgot to remove their top hats. I only know this about Lincoln because I went to Lincoln High. Our school mascot was a guy wearing a top hat who was slumped over in a theater chair. Not a lion or a pirate like other schools… An assassinated president. Where is this going, you ask? This is all about allowing people to block your view. When driving, it’s always a good idea to keep a safe following distance between you and the car in front of you. Rather than tailgating him and really making him mad. If that car in front of you isn’t a car at all, but rather a tall truck or S.U.V., moving over to another lane where you can see ahead of your intended path of travel would be a good option. Keep a clear view ahead so you have better reaction time. Just like at the movies, so you don’t miss anything. And so there is no surprise ending!!

Until next week…space it out…put some safe space between you and the guy in front of you.

Daun Thompson

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New Year Resolutions

Daun Thompson — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 18:58:22 +0000

It’s a brand new year! And it’s time for a new beginning. I bet you’ve made your new year’s resolution! Mine? No speeding in 2012. No, really. And, just like your new year’s resolution, mine is destined to last until approximately January 31st. Only to be forgotten and then I’ll be back to my old ways. So let’s make a pact. I will promise to watch my speed and you promise to keep running on that boring treadmill. Good luck to both of us. The funny thing, I didn’t even get one ticket in 2011. I got through the entire year without a ticket! Can you say the same? And it wasn’t because I didn’t speed. In fact, I’m almost certain that I did speed. Of course, I was just keeping up with the flow of traffic like everyone else. Even if you’re not typically a speeder, others will push you along to make you go faster… faster… FASTER! For me, it’s just a matter of time before I get a speeding ticket, even if I am just keeping up with the flow of traffic. And when I do get pulled over, the last thing I’m going to do is tell the officer that I teach defensive driving and get a 45 minute lecture in addition to my ticket. After all, I should know better, right? “I’m just keeping up with the flow, ossifer.” And, something you’re not even going to believe, I haven’t gotten a ticket in many, many years. My secret is I drive like a nervous little old lady, looking out for speed traps and taking note of all traffic signs. No, really. Paying attention and not taking your eyes off of the road is the best way to prevent you from getting a ticket or being involved in an accident. And, just so we’re clear about this. I am not bragging about not getting a ticket in years. Another thing I’ve learned over the years is you don’t want to brag about it. If you do brag about it, you get three tickets in a row. Like celebrity deaths. At least there’s one drawback to being a celebrity. Probably more, but I’ve never been one so I wouldn’t know. I was once asked “Didn’t you used to be somebody.” Drunks say the darndest things (wasn’t that an Art Linkletter show back in the 50’s?). This year’s celebrity deaths (a moment of silence, please) were fitness guru Jack LaLanne, movie star Liz Taylor, singer Amy Winehouse (that makes 3), actor Jeff Conaway, saxaphonist Clarence Clemons, jackass Ryan Dunn (that makes 3 more), actor Peter Falk, comic Patrice O’Neal, boy genius Steve Jobs, that cantankerous old fart Andy Rooney, and smokin’ Joe Frazier (and that’s 3 again.. see, I told you).
So, if you haven’t devised your new year’s resolution, not breaking the law is a good start. It will save you time, money, aggravation and self-loathing. Or, perhaps, your resolution will to not become a celebrity in 2012. That way, you won’t have sleepless nights when a fellow celebrity kicks the bucket… worrying that you may be next!
Until next week. Keep it safe. Be kind. And remember to use your signal, and not your finger.
Daun Thompson

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Friendly Alternatives to Road Rage

Lisa — Tue, 06 Sep 2011 15:55:56 +0000

Are you the type of person who doesn’t like to follow the crowd? Do you walk to the beat of a different drummer? Do you dare to be different? I’ll tell you what will set you apart from the rest of us monkeys…just don’t road rage. Nearly everyone does it, so it’s one thing that most of us do have in common. A topic in conversation that nearly everyone at the dinner party can relate to. Some studies say that road rage has become something that people almost “boast” about. Road rage gets more media hype than Britney Spears. And the truth of the matter? Since when did not being able to control your temper in public become socially acceptable? If you really want to be a novelty out there…have some road manners. You’ll be in an exclusive club. Here’s some simple solutions and friendly alternatives to road rage.
Someone’s tailgating you? Following too close for your liking? Well, you don’t want to give Mister Close a brake check. That’ll really honk him off. And, even though you’re dying to, don’t lock ‘em up either…don’t slam on your brakes so he rear-ends you. “I hope he kills me…then he’s really going to feel like a jerk.” Where’s the logic in that, you passive-aggressive monkey? Here’s a swell idea. Turn on your hazard lights if they’re following too close. They’ll think you’re going to slow way down or stop completely…perhaps your car is breaking down. Hopefully they’ll just go around you.
Want to get over? Change lanes…? (that’s what the kids are calling it). If you put on your turn signal, we all know that’s a guarantee that no one will let you over. They’ll see you. But they’ll pretend they don’t. They just won’t make eye contact with you. It’s just like walking down the sidewalk in New York City. No eye contact. And you have to signal before changing lanes or you’ll get a ticket for that. So, what to do? Signal and then put your arm out the window and give a friendly wave for someone to let you in. Perhaps it’s more personable to see part of your humanness (new word? You’ll see it in Wikipedia, I bet) hanging out the window. Hell, you don’t need that arm anyway. You’ve got another one just like it. And when you hang the arm out…look right at them. Like a sad puppy with large, moist eyes. Being pathetic may not get the babes, but it’ll get you over a lane or two. I guarantee it. Still single? You bet! So, arm out the window…not out the sunroof…remember, that’s reserved for the finger. And for God’s sake. After they do let you over, don’t forget to wave thanks at them. People get all mad if you don’t acknowledge that they did you a big solid there by letting you in. And through a tinted window, they don’t know if you waved at them with one finger or all five of them…so, you just won.
And, if someone else wants to get over in your lane? Just let ‘em over. Maybe if you start being courteous and letting people over, karmatically, maybe other people will do it for you. And just let one or two people in. Not half a dozen. Don’t over-do it. Some people think they’re being good samaritans and will let half a dozen people over at one time. While the guy behind him is counting how many bullets he needs to load into the chamber of his gun. Not cool. Over-helping sometimes creates more problems.
Here’s the thing. If you want to live longer, relax. Let it go. If not, you’ll have a heart attack in your prime. Buy a Yanni CD to mellow your butt out in traffic. And, if you live in California, smoke some pot (for medicinal purposes only, of course). Chill out. If you live in Texas, get your A/C fixed. Hot and sweaty makes people edgy. And, it’s not a good look.
Bottom line? Just don’t give other people the power to change your good mood.
You can use these suggestions…or not. I don’t really care if you don’t. But don’t tell me about it or I’ll get in my car and hunt you down. Hunt you down like the dog that you are. And I’ll flip you off while you’re waiting in that 45 minute long drive-thru line at the In-N-Out Burger. And you won’t chase me because you won’t want to lose your place in line. So, there. I just won.

Have a great day …and BE NICE!

Daun Thompson
(Daun is a comedienne, writer and artist who resides in the sweltering city of Dallas, Texas)

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Why Take a Defensive Driving Course?

Lisa — Wed, 22 Dec 2010 14:45:45 +0000

Even if you consider yourself to be a cautious driver, there is no accounting for the behavior of other road users. You can greatly reduce your chance of being in an accident, however, by taking a defensive driving course, which will teach you how to drive in such a way that you are always prepared to act fast. A defensive driving course is also useful for removing points against your driving record, in some states.

Why Use an Online Defensive Driving Course?

It can be an inconvenience to have to drive to a defensive driving course, and to be bound by instructors’ teaching hours. An online defensive driving course consisting of informative and clear instructional videos can provide you with a simpler solution, and you can complete an online, video-based course during hours which suit your own schedule. Attending an online driving school that is recognized by the state might help you to have outstanding traffic tickets dismissed in court, too.

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Driver Pet Peeves

Lisa — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 21:49:43 +0000

As a defensive driving instructor, I hear all kinds of driver pet peeves. One of the most common driving pet peeves has to be tailgating. But when you have a room full of speed demons and traffic outlaws, what do you think is the number one driving-nuisance? Oh course, “slow drivers” or the “really slow drivers” under the influence of marijuana! My students think driving 10 over the speed limit on the freeway is too slow and after every class, I make sure they all get a 10 minute head start out of the parking lot.

Tailgating is a major annoyance to me and I’m sure to you too. If I’m in the left lane and I see someone coming up behind me, I move over. Don’t wait until that other driver is on your bumper, move over in time! If someone is tailgating, don’t do a break check and hope they are covered financially by that funny little gecko. Simple turn on your blinker to let them know you see them and that you are moving over.

Our world of driving in the U.S. will never be perfect, but all of us have a personal responsibility to help make it a little easier. What’s your driving pet peeve? Let me know and I’ll talk to you next week.

Take Care-

Danny Keaton

www.myspace.com/comicdemexican

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