The 25th anniversary Don’t Mess with Texas litterbag, which just came out, will feature a new design designed by McKinney resident Jenifer Oslter. Texans across the state submitted original art for the chance for their design to appear on the special-edition litterbags as part of the Texas Department of Transportation’s Don’t Mess with Texas Design A Litterbag contest.

You can find more information about this anti-littering campaign at dontmesswithtexas.org. This is a fantastic website with some good information and tools to educate the masses about litter control on our highways and roads. With Spring approaching and our beautiful, world famous wildflowers about to (or as we Texans say “fixin’ to”) blanket these scenic routes, now is the time to be more conscientious about keeping things cleaned up and clear of litter.

Last Spring I was taking a trip to Corsicana. It was March, and the Bluebonnets were breathtaking. A popular tradition in Texas is for families to take pictures of their children in the wildflowers. If you travel any major roads in Texas in March, you will see cars pulled over on the shoulder of the freeway with moms taking pictures of their babies. Yes, taking pictures with huge, loud tractor trailers huffing by. Not to mention, what is hidden in the tall grass. Rattlesnakes, scorpions, tarantulas, fire ants, sand burs, poison ivy, you name it. It doesn’t seem safe, really. I took pictures of my baby in the Bluebonnets at the lake on a blanket. It seemed safer. But, then, I do recall hollowing out a pumpkin and shoving her in it when she was just a few days old. I also put the top of the pumpkin on her head, likely on her soft spot. I hear that CPS (Child Protective Services) will babysit … for free … for years!

So, last Spring, on my trip to Corsicana, I was enjoying the scenery when I noticed that someone had taken a picture of their baby in the Bluebonnets on the side of the freeway and rolled up a disposable diaper into a ball and just left it there. The plastic on a diaper is very thin, but its certainly not biodegradable. It would likely be there forever. So, I went back and took a picture of it. I thought I’d send the picture to the people at dontmesswithtexas.org and they would probably think it was a good advertising photo for their website. I had a friend “tag” the photo. So it says “Don’t Mess With Texas … It’s Your Doody.” I hope they use it.

On the website, it mentions that the only three things you can litter with, legally, in Texas is ice, water and chicken feathers. I always thought that something biodegradable, such as a banana peel or apple core was legal to litter with. But, alas, the problem is that animals have such a keen sense of smell, they may go onto the road to check it out as a potential meal and get hit by a car. Apparently some people will actually swerve to avoid hitting a fluffy animal and injure or kill themselves. Mostly women, I believe, because we have feelings. And, cigarette butts seem to be the biggest hazard of all, and the most littered with. According to the website, since 2005, cigarette butt trash has increased by a whopping 42%. Perhaps with the new electric cigarettes, those numbers will decrease. Or, maybe not. I purchased an e-cigarette for my sister, trying to help her to quit smoking. I asked her how it was working out for her. She said she forgot it was an e-cigarette and flicked it out the window of the car.

Until next week….

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Real Texans Don’t Litter – Comedy Defensive Driving

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The website, dontmesswithtexas.org is a fantastic website where you can order free merchandise and where you can also anonymously report a litterbug. There are only three things that you can litter with in Texas, legally. They are ice, water and chicken feathers. I always thought something biodegradable, such as an apple core or a banana peel, were okay to discard. But, apparently, the problem is not so much the issue of biodegrading, but the attraction of animals. An animal may go onto the road to check out something that it sees as a potential food item, and could be hit by a passing car. But the real problem is, some people will swerve to avoid hitting an animal and injure or possibly kill themselves. Mostly women, because we have feelings (I just added that, but it’s probably true).

Littering fines are steep. I met a 17 year old young man who received a hefty fine for throwing a cigarette butt out of his car window. And the Judge made him take a six hour defensive driving class, that was in addition to paying the fine. Perhaps he had to take a class because he wasn’t 18, the legal age to purchase cigarettes in Texas. I had an adorable bumper sticker that I ordered from the Don’t Mess With Texas website that said “Keep Your Butts In The Car.” I felt sorry for the poor guy. So I gave him my bumper sticker for having a good attitude about it. I’m sure he didn’t stick it on his car. He probably rolled it up and smoked it. Who knows what he did with it?

Texans can also submit artwork for the annual Don’t Mess With Texas litter bag contest. The woman who won the contest in January is a talented little artist from McKinney, Texas. The anti-littering campaign website also offers information about littering fines, statistics, a little bit of Texas history and some great links to other Texas websites such as Texas Highways Magazine and Texas Parks and Wildlife. Check out the website. You’ll be glad you did. And share the love.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Don’t Mess With Texas – Comedy Defensive Driving

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April showers bring May flowers. But, for Texans, they bring hydroplaning mayhem as well as vehicle drownings. In fact, Texas leads the Nation in vehicle drownings. Kind of sad, isn’t it? That they talk about the vehicle drowning and not the people in it??…Cold. Apparently, it’s mostly pick-up trucks. Really??In Texas??Go figure.

If you live in Texas, you may have noticed that, when it rains, they change those electronic signs on the freeway. You know, the ones they use for traffic updates as well as for Amber Alerts for missing children or missing elderly (there was one last week that read “Missing Elderly from New York City”…I thought, “Damn! Those old people can really hitchhike … if they think they’ve made it all the way down here to Texas”).

So now, when it’s raining, they change those signs to read TURN AROUND AND DON’T DROWN. It’s a catchy little jingle to make it easy to remember when it’s raining and you see water covering the road. Don’t just plow through it. “Turn Around and Don’t Drown”. They come out with these poetic little catch-phrases, like “Click It Or Ticket” for seat belt laws. And, “Don’t Mess With Texas” for littering laws. You know, somewhere, there’s a guy sitting in a little room with a bottle of Jack Daniels and he’s paid to write all this poetic stuff. And the job probably comes with dental and a 401k…..I want that job!

TADD is a National Weather Service campaign to warn people of the hazards of walking or driving a vehicle through flood waters. Where does the false sense that “my heavy vehicle will keep me safe” come from? Perhaps from the false trust of the weight of the vehicle you drive. Your 3,000 lb or more vehicle will remain in contact with the road surface…that it is too heavy to float? Think about that for a moment. Aircraft carriers weighing 97,000 tons float. Vehicles (and ships) float because of buoyancy. In fact, most cars can be swept away in 18-24 inches of moving water. Trucks and SUV’s do not fare much better with an additional 6-12 inches of clearance.

As for hydroplaning, it can occur at speeds as low as 30mph. Not even very fast. In fact, if you were driving any slower, you’d be in reverse. But it could be frightening if you’re doing, say, freeway speed. That’s why it’s important to remember to not use your cruise control when it’s raining. My sister, Bobbie Sue (I know, right??) has a new Mercedes with safety features you wouldn’t believe. It actually has a sensor that will not allow you to engage your cruise control when there’s precipitation. It also has a feature that will pull the car back into your lane if you start to drift off the road. I think they call that the DWI Designated Driver feature. By the way….you don’t really believe we actually call my sister Bobbie Sue, do you? She’s 13 years younger than me. We’ve always called her “Oops.”

Hydroplaning occurs when water gets trapped between the grooves in your tires and road. And then you find yourself waterskiing in your car (I hear if you can get it up on two wheels, you can slalom ski…they probably do that in JackAss The Movie 3D…I haven’t seen it yet).Some people panic and slam on the brakes when they begin to hydroplane. Not cool. The best thing to do…take your foot off the gas. Let the car naturally slow down on its own (and then change your pants). The trapped water will then dissipate out from between the tires and the road. So now, your tires are connecting with the pavement. Instead of riding up on top of the water…like Jesus.

Here’s a good mental checklist during rainy season…

• Monitor the NOAA Weather Radio, or your favorite news source for vital weather related information.
• Do not drive into flooded areas. Six inches of water will reach the bottom of most passenger cars causing loss of control and possible stalling.
• If floodwaters rise around your car, abandon the car and move to higher ground if you can do so safely. You and the vehicle can be quickly swept away. A foot of water will float many vehicles. And two feet of rushing water can carry away most vehicles including sport utility vehicles (SUV’s) and pick-ups.
• Do not walk through moving water. Six inches of moving water can make you fall. If you have to walk in water, walk where the water is not moving. Use a stick to check the firmness of the ground in front of you.
• Do not use your cruise control feature when driving in rainy conditions.
• Keep reading this blog every week…(I just threw that in)

Until next week…be safe…don’t take any bone-headed chances when driving (or dating)….try to preserve your life, so you remain on this Earth about as long as the styro cup you just threw out the window of your car.

Daun Thompson

( Daun Thompson is a comedienne, writer, artist and lightning rod of reality )

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