Ah, car maintenance, I remember, back in the day, when all gas stations were full-service. Meaning, you always had that awkward moment when some stranger in a coveralls would ask you “Can I check your under your hood, maam?” I’m sure when I answered him, I often stuttered. What a great job that must have been for him. Telling all of his friends how many women he propositioned on a daily basis, while on the clock. Now, everything is self-serve. Meaning, you have to check your own lubricant…which can be equally as awkward.

Car maintenance is just something you have to do and one of the most important things to consider along with keeping your tires properly inflated is checking your lubricant/oil once a month, just to see if it needs to be topped-up, or if it appears dirty or gritty and needs to be changed. Or, you could have a professional check it for you. Just make sure he doesn’t blab to his friends. I hear some mechanics kiss and tell. So, if you prefer to go it alone, here’s how to check your own oil. Or, what I like to call Car Maintenance: Oil, 1-0-1… Make sure the engine has been off for at least ten minutes. Locate the dipstick (not the one in the passenger seat…he should have offered to check it for you in the first place). Pull out the dipstick and wipe it clean with a lint-free rag. I’m sure you just happen to have one handy in your purse, next to that bottle of chloroform, right? Insert the dipstick back into the reservoir…all the way in. Pull out the dipstick and look at the film of oil on the end of it. Note how high the oil film reaches on the dipstick and the condition of the oil, and add or change the oil as needed. By the way, you don’t add oil into the tiny reservoir the dipstick sits in. If you do that, people will point and call you a dumb blond (not that I would know).  Look for a screw-off cap on top of the largest part of the engine. It could be blank or it could be labeled “Oil Cap” or something similar, and it might even indicate which grade of oil you ought to be using in your car. Unscrew that cap and add oil as needed. You owner’s manual will also indicate what grade of oil they recommend.

Yes, times have certainly changed car maintenance is getting easier and auto manufacturers and mechanics alike have agreed that changing your oil every 3,000 miles is a thing of the past. Oil chemistry and engine technology have improved to the point that most cars can go several thousand more miles before changing the oil. A better average would be 7,500 between oil changes, and sometimes up to 10,000 miles or more. Rather than picking a number, you could just follow what your owner’s manual advises. My manual says that I should get the oil changed every 5,000 miles. If I did a great deal of longer-distance highway driving, it would be every 7,500. Or, if your mechanic is really cute, get it changed every other day. But whatever you do – Don’t forget the Lube!

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Comedienne / Artist / Writer / Lightening Rod of Reality

Don’t Forget The Lube – Car Maintenance – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Keeping up the maintenance on our vehicles will save us both costly repairs and insurance deductibles. We’re calling our little program car maintenance 101. A good habit we are trying to get into is to check our tire pressure and oil levels once a week while we are putting gas in our cars. Keeping our tires at their proper inflation also helps with fuel economy, so it’s a nice double-whammy. We both keep a tire gauge in our cars for this. Every 5,000 miles, rotate your tires. Tires are expensive and not rotating them will wear the tread uneven and they will eventually have to be replaced (early). Often times, when purchasing tires, they come with an optional lifetime tire rotation, mine did.

When checking the oil level, wait until the engine cools, pull out the dipstick, wipe the oil off of it and reinsert it. This will give an accurate reading of your oil level. As for oil changes, it has always been a standard 3,000 miles or 3 months between oil changes. These days, the revised recommendation is: change regular petroleum based oils every 4-5 thousand miles and synthetic every 5-7 thousand miles. The key issue here is sludge. Sludge buildup is an engine killer. If you feel better about changing your oil more often, it is up to you. After all, this is your own little car maintenance 101 program.

Check your coolant from time to time. The coolant reservoir is normally bolted to one side of your engine bay or the other. It is usually a white semi-transparent bottle. Do not remove the radiator cap to check levels. And always top off with a cooled engine only. The bottle should have low and high markings. The level of coolant should be between the two markings. Keep battery terminals clean. Remove the terminal caps and clean them with a wire brush. The timing belt and accessory drive belt should be checked every 25,000 miles and probably replaced every 50,000 miles.

Until next week…don’t let your little engine falter.

Daun Thompson

Artist / Comedienne / Writer / Grease Monkey

Car Maintenance 101 – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Have you ever leaked something? Leaking oil (out into the Gulf) leaking diaper, leaking something out of your pants? OK, that was a little over the line, but think about the word “leak.” It just sounds nasty, L-E-A-K [Leek] The word “leak’ is synonymous with “damaged” something is wrong and it needs attention, it needs to be fixed or something worse will happen.

An engine oil leak is the worst kind of leak unless you’re leaking something out of your “privates.” In that case, you will want to seek medical attention and you might want to say something to your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/friend with benefits. But if your engine is leaking oil you will want to seek mechanical attention. Here’s tha skinny on engine oil leaks:

After six or seven years (sooner if you drive a foreign car, so buy AMERICAN DAMNIT!!!) of running your engine, the gaskets and seals start to deteriorate due to wear and tear. Most likely engine oil leaks happen in these areas:

1. VALVE COVER GASKET

2. OIL PAN GASKET

3. TIMING CHAIN COVER

4. FRONT AND REAR CRANKSHAFT SEALS

Now you can change a valve cover gasket easily in most vehicles (unless you drive foreign cars…buying foreign cars cost Americans their jobs, did you know that?) But if you change the valve gasket yourself do not use a sealer on rubber gaskets, only use a sealer on cork gaskets. And make sure you don’t drink alcohol while working on your car. You’ll scream “OUCH!” a lot and when you have finished the job, you have extra parts of your car left over. The front and rear crankshaft seals are much more difficult to replace yourself, so ladies get a boyfriend who is a mechanic or a bumper-to-bumper extended auto warranty. But weight the pro’s and con’s, “auto warranty” doesn’t result in a protective order, a mechanic ex-boyfriend with a drinking problem, does.

But how do you know if your engine is leaking oil? Well here’s the inside dope on that one too. Park your car overnight, preferably at someone else’s house so you don’t mess up your own driveway. The next morning, check the spot you parked your car. Is there a dark puddle, does it have a purple like a swirl to it? Does it look like an ice-cream topping at Sonic? If the answer is yes, then you have a leak, my friend. If the puddle is yellow, that means someone or something peed in the driveway. Yes, that’s gross but it’s better than an oil leak. Pee-pee leak problem on your driveway can be taken care of with a shotgun, oil leak problem requires dinero.

I hope you got something out of this week’s blog and I hope nothing leaks on you unless you’re into that sort of thing, FREAK! Keep those e-mails and comments coming in, I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to write. If you have any suggestions or blog ideas, send them in! Join me again next week and until then…

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