After the slushy sleet angel event, my parents and I were having breakfast at a local diner. I was eavesdropping on the retired postal workers in the booth behind me. They were comparing crazy weather stories and talking about how to keep your car running in winter. Again, it couldn’t have been better timing. I wonder if they noticed that I was taking notes.
One important item that you want to make certain is in good working condition is your battery. I just had an incident on Wednesday where my car wouldn’t start. I had just purchased a new battery, so I knew that couldn’t be the problem. But this time it was the starter. It was a cold and rainy day. But, I was thanking my lucky stars that it was daylight and I was in a well-lit, heavily populated place at the time. Plus, I’m in Texas…where you will always find people with good old fashioned manners willing to help you out. If you are a woman in distress, not to worry. Every serial killer will come out of the woodwork to help you. The starter was something that couldn’t have been detected. But, remember to make sure your battery terminals and connections are free of corrosion.

Keep your windshield clean and clear. Replace your windshield wiper blades, if needed and keep your wiper fluid reservoir topped up. Also, make sure your defroster is working properly.

Don’t forget to check your tire pressure. Your tires lose 1 pound per square inch whenever the temperature drops 10 degrees. Properly inflated tires help with better traction. Also make sure your tires have adequate tread. This will help in snow and ice. If not, you will need to consider replacing them with your Christmas money. And, NO you can’t just “comb” the tread over the bald spots…God knows I’ve tried.

And remember, engine oil tends to thicken as it gets colder. Make sure when you have your oil changed, that you have the best viscosity to keep your engine well lubricated. Switch to a thinner, less viscous oil during the colder months.
This is also an imperative time to check and possiblly flush and replace your antifreeze. It should be mixed with water, 50/50. Use a brand that won’t attract animals. I’ve lost a dog from drinking antifreeze. It’s a bad way to go, and I’m sorry to bring you down.

Keep the gas tank full and keep an emergency winter care kit in your car. Jumper cables, flares, Jack Daniels, money to call and order a pizza, cell phone charger, blanket, water, ice scraper, a small bag cat litter, a cat and a tool kit.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Keep Your Car Running in Winter – ComedyDefensiveDriving.com

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Here’s just a few of those car myths busted. Some people believe that the color of your car affects your insurance rates. They believe that auto insurance premiums are higher for, say, a red car. Well, yes, if the red car is a sports car, that may be true. But, not true just because it’s red. Just because the color red may be more appealing and catches the eye, it doesn’t mean that people driving red cars get more tickets. Only if that red car is doing something illegal, such as speeding. I had been asked if I get a discount on my car insurance because my car is bright yellow (midlife crisis yellow), because yellow typically means “yield” or “caution.” But, as most of us have noticed, the color of a yield sign hasn’t been yellow since 1971. It’s red and white. Besides, the answer is no. I may not be eligible for a discount due to its color, but am subject to much ridicule about how ridiculous the color is. Even a cop that once pulled me over made a joke about it. He said “My daughter just turned 16 and she wants a car just like this, and in this same color.” I said “You know, this car is a total cop magnet.” He laughed and said “Yea, I saw you coming a mile away in that Tweety Bird yellow car.”

Rolling down your windows and shutting off the a/c to save on fuel consumption is also another one of the car myths busted. Although running your car’s a/c does cause your engine to run less efficiently and therefore causes you to burn more fuel, only shutting it off and opening your windows at a low speed will save you on fuel. On a high speed roadway, such as a freeway, just the opposite. And, if you are in traffic and barely moving, using your a/c may cause your car to overheat. The best solution if this happens is to turn on your heater to take some of the heat off of the engine to make it cool down some. Nothing’s worse than inching along in rush hour traffic, with the temperature being well over one hundred degrees, and you have your heater blowing in your sweaty face.

And, changing your oil every 3 months or 3,000 miles is a thing of the past. Now, most cars can go several thousand more miles before changing the oil than they did in the past. Most manufacturers now suggest you change your oil every 7,500 to 10,000 miles or more! Yay!! Another myth busted that will save you money at the mechanic too!

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Benevolent Thesbo

Car Myths Busted – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Preventative maintenance, paying close attention to and not ignoring certain signs could save you a bundle in the long run. For example, a catalytic converter, responsible for controlling your vehicle’s emission system, is over a whopping one thousand dollars to replace. Replacement could have been prevented if the spark plugs and fuel injectors were checked and replaced as needed. Smaller things lead to larger things in the end. And that’s just one example of how keeping up with common auto repairs could have saved you money.

Routine maintenance expenses include brake service, oil changes, battery replacement, tire replacement, windshield wiper replacement, tune-ups, timing belt replacement or drive belt replacement. Of course, if you can educate yourself on how to do some of these yourself, it could save you a bundle if you’re on a budget. From my experience, executives don’t look good with grease under their nails. So, leave the common auto repairs and maintenance up to the professionals. Again, not keeping up routine maintenance usually costs more money to fix. Unexpected costly repairs and possibly costly towing expenses.
Unexpected repairs that usually begin to occur one day after your car is out of warranty (isn’t that an odd coincidence?) include shocks and struts, power steering pump, alternator replacement, starter replacement and sometimes internal engine repairs or transmission issues.

On another note, if you are budgeting and trying to cut down on fuel costs, even a missing gas cap leads to fuel evaporating into the environment. Bad for the environment and bad for your budget.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Common Auto Repairs – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Times have certainly changed. Oil chemistry and engine technology have improved to the point that most cars, these days, can go several thousand more miles before changing the oil than they did in the past. What used to be a recommended oil change at 3,000 miles is now between 7,500 and 10,000 miles or more. I always loved the bit that Comedienne Nancy Reed used to do about “True Confessions.” One of her many, funny, true confessions onstage was that she’d call one of those telephone companion hotlines and tell them “I haven’t changed my oil since 1999!” And, yes, I italicized the word companion, because we all know there is no other “nice” word for it.

Since your mechanic generally takes care of all of the other lubricants and greases that your car requires, let’s focus on engine oil. Here’s what it does, in case you were curious. Oil lubricates the engine and keeps it running smoothly. Less friction means less effort which takes some stress off of the engine. Therefore, keeping the temperature down and your car more fuel efficient. Just like in a relationship. The less friction, the longer it lasts. The more friction, someone will eventually throw a rod, and be garaged for a long time.

And, another thing, an oil change is not to be confused with a lube job. A lube job lubricates the chassis and suspension system. A different part of the car, altogether. So they are two different things. If your mechanic asks you if you want a lube job or asks you if he can check your lubricant, make sure you clarify which, before you presumptuously slap his face.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Types of Engine Lubricants – Comedy Defensive Driving

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There are several areas of your vehicle that require wiper and other fluids to run well. The engine, transmission, radiator/cooling system, air conditioner, wiper fluid, battery and the brake system. If you need tips on how to check and change your engine oil, refer to last week’s blog Car Maintenance: Oil. Transmission fluid should be checked while the engine is running. The dipstick should be located near the oil dipstick, but consult your manual for the precise location. Since the transmission is a sealed system, unlike with engine oil, it should really never be low unless it is leaking. If you see a reddish-brown fluid leak, it’s likely transmission fluid. Then you should take it into your mechanic to get it checked out. If it’s blood, you should be shopping for another get-away car. Checking the radiator/cooling system should always be done with a cooled but not entirely cold engine. The radiator cap should be found toward the front and center of the engine. Or, if it’s a Smart Car, it will be located inside the glove compartment (just kidding…I don’t even know if they have room for a glove compartment). The overflow reservoir should be visible and right next to it. You should be able to see if there is the reservoir is 2/3 full. If it is below, mix 50/50 water and radiator fluid/coolant and pour directly into the radiator until your reservoir reaches 2/3 full. Since the air conditioning system is both costly and difficult for the non-mechanic to deal with, always have your mechanic check it out for you. As far as the battery goes, most newer ones are maintenance free. But, if you have a traditional battery, adding distilled water into the cells from time to time will increase its life expectancy. And, the brake system, like the transmission, is a sealed system. Consult your manual for location of the brake fluid reservoir. It should be 2/3 full. If not, top up to the fill line. If it appears to be leaking, take it into your mechanic to locate the leak.

This reminds me of something an old friend, Tom Ley, told me one of his hispanic landscapers would say when they’d see a pretty girl. “Huy pero qué curvas y yo sin frenos” Translated, meaning “Ah, what curves…and me with no brakes.” How romantic…that should be on a Valentines.

Summed-up … if your garage floor has so many colors of fluids splattered on it that it looks like a Jackson Pollock painting, you may need to be looking for another car.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Comedienne / Artist / Writer / Benevolent Thesbo

Car Maintenance: Wiper And Other Fluids – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Ah, car maintenance, I remember, back in the day, when all gas stations were full-service. Meaning, you always had that awkward moment when some stranger in a coveralls would ask you “Can I check your under your hood, maam?” I’m sure when I answered him, I often stuttered. What a great job that must have been for him. Telling all of his friends how many women he propositioned on a daily basis, while on the clock. Now, everything is self-serve. Meaning, you have to check your own lubricant…which can be equally as awkward.

Car maintenance is just something you have to do and one of the most important things to consider along with keeping your tires properly inflated is checking your lubricant/oil once a month, just to see if it needs to be topped-up, or if it appears dirty or gritty and needs to be changed. Or, you could have a professional check it for you. Just make sure he doesn’t blab to his friends. I hear some mechanics kiss and tell. So, if you prefer to go it alone, here’s how to check your own oil. Or, what I like to call Car Maintenance: Oil, 1-0-1… Make sure the engine has been off for at least ten minutes. Locate the dipstick (not the one in the passenger seat…he should have offered to check it for you in the first place). Pull out the dipstick and wipe it clean with a lint-free rag. I’m sure you just happen to have one handy in your purse, next to that bottle of chloroform, right? Insert the dipstick back into the reservoir…all the way in. Pull out the dipstick and look at the film of oil on the end of it. Note how high the oil film reaches on the dipstick and the condition of the oil, and add or change the oil as needed. By the way, you don’t add oil into the tiny reservoir the dipstick sits in. If you do that, people will point and call you a dumb blond (not that I would know).  Look for a screw-off cap on top of the largest part of the engine. It could be blank or it could be labeled “Oil Cap” or something similar, and it might even indicate which grade of oil you ought to be using in your car. Unscrew that cap and add oil as needed. You owner’s manual will also indicate what grade of oil they recommend.

Yes, times have certainly changed car maintenance is getting easier and auto manufacturers and mechanics alike have agreed that changing your oil every 3,000 miles is a thing of the past. Oil chemistry and engine technology have improved to the point that most cars can go several thousand more miles before changing the oil. A better average would be 7,500 between oil changes, and sometimes up to 10,000 miles or more. Rather than picking a number, you could just follow what your owner’s manual advises. My manual says that I should get the oil changed every 5,000 miles. If I did a great deal of longer-distance highway driving, it would be every 7,500. Or, if your mechanic is really cute, get it changed every other day. But whatever you do – Don’t forget the Lube!

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Comedienne / Artist / Writer / Lightening Rod of Reality

Don’t Forget The Lube – Car Maintenance – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Keeping up the maintenance on our vehicles will save us both costly repairs and insurance deductibles. We’re calling our little program car maintenance 101. A good habit we are trying to get into is to check our tire pressure and oil levels once a week while we are putting gas in our cars. Keeping our tires at their proper inflation also helps with fuel economy, so it’s a nice double-whammy. We both keep a tire gauge in our cars for this. Every 5,000 miles, rotate your tires. Tires are expensive and not rotating them will wear the tread uneven and they will eventually have to be replaced (early). Often times, when purchasing tires, they come with an optional lifetime tire rotation, mine did.

When checking the oil level, wait until the engine cools, pull out the dipstick, wipe the oil off of it and reinsert it. This will give an accurate reading of your oil level. As for oil changes, it has always been a standard 3,000 miles or 3 months between oil changes. These days, the revised recommendation is: change regular petroleum based oils every 4-5 thousand miles and synthetic every 5-7 thousand miles. The key issue here is sludge. Sludge buildup is an engine killer. If you feel better about changing your oil more often, it is up to you. After all, this is your own little car maintenance 101 program.

Check your coolant from time to time. The coolant reservoir is normally bolted to one side of your engine bay or the other. It is usually a white semi-transparent bottle. Do not remove the radiator cap to check levels. And always top off with a cooled engine only. The bottle should have low and high markings. The level of coolant should be between the two markings. Keep battery terminals clean. Remove the terminal caps and clean them with a wire brush. The timing belt and accessory drive belt should be checked every 25,000 miles and probably replaced every 50,000 miles.

Until next week…don’t let your little engine falter.

Daun Thompson

Artist / Comedienne / Writer / Grease Monkey

Car Maintenance 101 – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Have you ever leaked something? Leaking oil (out into the Gulf) leaking diaper, leaking something out of your pants? OK, that was a little over the line, but think about the word “leak.” It just sounds nasty, L-E-A-K [Leek] The word “leak’ is synonymous with “damaged” something is wrong and it needs attention, it needs to be fixed or something worse will happen.

An engine oil leak is the worst kind of leak unless you’re leaking something out of your “privates.” In that case, you will want to seek medical attention and you might want to say something to your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/friend with benefits. But if your engine is leaking oil you will want to seek mechanical attention. Here’s tha skinny on engine oil leaks:

After six or seven years (sooner if you drive a foreign car, so buy AMERICAN DAMNIT!!!) of running your engine, the gaskets and seals start to deteriorate due to wear and tear. Most likely engine oil leaks happen in these areas:

1. VALVE COVER GASKET

2. OIL PAN GASKET

3. TIMING CHAIN COVER

4. FRONT AND REAR CRANKSHAFT SEALS

Now you can change a valve cover gasket easily in most vehicles (unless you drive foreign cars…buying foreign cars cost Americans their jobs, did you know that?) But if you change the valve gasket yourself do not use a sealer on rubber gaskets, only use a sealer on cork gaskets. And make sure you don’t drink alcohol while working on your car. You’ll scream “OUCH!” a lot and when you have finished the job, you have extra parts of your car left over. The front and rear crankshaft seals are much more difficult to replace yourself, so ladies get a boyfriend who is a mechanic or a bumper-to-bumper extended auto warranty. But weight the pro’s and con’s, “auto warranty” doesn’t result in a protective order, a mechanic ex-boyfriend with a drinking problem, does.

But how do you know if your engine is leaking oil? Well here’s the inside dope on that one too. Park your car overnight, preferably at someone else’s house so you don’t mess up your own driveway. The next morning, check the spot you parked your car. Is there a dark puddle, does it have a purple like a swirl to it? Does it look like an ice-cream topping at Sonic? If the answer is yes, then you have a leak, my friend. If the puddle is yellow, that means someone or something peed in the driveway. Yes, that’s gross but it’s better than an oil leak. Pee-pee leak problem on your driveway can be taken care of with a shotgun, oil leak problem requires dinero.

I hope you got something out of this week’s blog and I hope nothing leaks on you unless you’re into that sort of thing, FREAK! Keep those e-mails and comments coming in, I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to write. If you have any suggestions or blog ideas, send them in! Join me again next week and until then…

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