DON’T MESS WITH TEXAS

This original campaign launched in 1986 has had some success in reducing litter. It is reported that, even with efforts, 362 million pieces of litter continue to show up on our roads. Teaming up with a well-known brand such as Buc-ee’s will extend into the community. And will also promote education initiatives in schools to teach younger generations the importance of keeping the environment clean and picturesque. Yes, just as Ladybird Johnson had envisioned it to be. Who, by the way, launched her own Texas Wildflower program in 1986 as well.

THE BARREL AND THE BEAVER

Buc-ee’s wants our roads to be as clean as their restrooms. In their establishments, you will see the signature “Don’t Mess With Texas” red white and blue trash barrels. And, of course, their beloved beaver merchandise. It couldn’t be a better union of these two, both with a proud and loyal following. Two with a common goal, to fight litter in Texas.

And don’t even think about throwing anything out the window of your car (except ice, water and chicken feathers). No, not even Buc-ee’s Nuggets.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson

Writer / Comedienne / Artist

THIS CRITTER DON’T LITTER CAMPAIGN – Comedy Defensive Driving School

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Sometimes, when road conditions are that bad, it’s best to just stay home. But, if you paid thousands of dollars for a ski package and the coolest AirBnB cabin house right on the Rio Grande, pushing through the elements to get there will make you risk everything. I mean, I’m not complaining. It’s not as dramatic as Mariah Carey being without hot tea in Times Square on New Years Eve, right? So, here is a list of safety measures to take when traveling in winter road conditions.

• Snow tires help, but if you don’t need them where you reside, then they may be a costly investment.
• Turn on your lights, even in the daytime. Just an extra measure so you will be seen.
• Drive smoothly in the tire tracks of other vehicles. Stay in the right lane.
• Leave extra space around your car, away from other vehicles.
• Carry extra winter clothing and blankets.
• Keep your cell phone charged (I have two cordless chargers that I forgot to bring with me).
• Try to keep your gas tank full. Fueling stations may be far and few between.
• Give someone your route information and keep them updated where you are.
• Keep wipers clean and wiper fluid and antifreeze topped up. Keep a snow scraper handy.
• Keep a snow shovel and a small bag of kitty litter in your trunk (also makes a good Christmas gift).

And, most importantly, be patient and keep your speed at the maximum.

Have a safe and happy new year!

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

How to Drive In Winter Weather – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Unfortunately, the Morrison family didn’t have satellite radio to be able to listen to. You’ve got to love the variety of unusual stations that don’t lose their signal between cities. That’s certainly a lifesaver! If you plan a road trip with passengers, assign whoever is going to be sitting in the front seat as your “co-pilot.” They can be appointed as your assistant and be expected to do whatever you ask of them (well, nearly everything). Make a game out of it, or more like a competition. Set rules for yourself and other drivers. No cell phone use while driving, PERIOD. No talking, texting or reading messages or emails. Set up your phone in driving mode and maybe even put it in the glove compartment. Have chatting periods, music periods, etc. Put your “co-pilot” in charge of the music and GPS. Map your routes before leaving for your trip. Re-check them every day to familiarize yourself with your routes. Stop and eat all of your meals. Or purchase healthy food items and take time to stop and enjoy a picnic. Get out every few hours and take a brisk walk. Make a little sight-seeing tour out of it and take some pictures.

Road Trip America is a great website with tips, sightseeing tours and loads of great information for your next road trip. As the Lizard King said “Have a real good time…let it roll, baby roll.”

Until next week…
Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Road Trip Tips – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Taking man’s best friend for a ride in the car is a family favorite. After all, you take them with you because you love them. And they enjoy getting out of the house and exploring just as much as we do. But you don’t realize that taking a pet in the car is not unlike having a child as a passenger. They should be restrained in a dog harness or a doggy seat, and they should never be left alone in the car.

It hadn’t crossed my mind that window safety locks should be on as well. Our West Highland Terrier, Rocket Moon (do not let your children name your pets) was catching a breeze out of the passenger side window, when his paw hit the button and he rolled his own head up in the window. There he was, writhing and kicking, just dangling from his head, stuck in the window. I hope no one saw this through our tinted windows. I pulled into the nearest parking lot as soon as I could and released him from his death trap. Who would have thought that something like this could happen? It was like a scene in Final Destination. I hope no one reported me to P.E.T.A.

Our Westie used to ride between the seats, perfectly perched upon the console. And, more than once, I had to throw my arm in front of him, so he wouldn’t become a hood ornament, when someone pulled out in front of me. Worse than that, I used to let him ride on my lap while I’d drive, letting him hang out of the window. Sometimes, I’d even let him drive. I must admit, he’s a better driver than me. But his eyesight is atrocious. If someone had pulled out in front of me and we’d had a collision, it could have been beyond disastrous. I have an older car, and the airbag (if it even still comes out at all) is supposed to deploy at 300 p.s.i. That’s a crazy amount of pressure. Airbags don’t deploy at a pressure that high in newer cars. That could do some serious damage. An airbag is a controlled explosion. If the airbag was deployed with our dog on my lap, the pressure would likely end his happy tail wagging and his body would probably crush my chest and kill me. Once I realized this, I bought him a dog harness at the pet supply. If you’ve never seen one, it looks like something Madonna would wear onstage. It clips onto the seat belt, so they have freedom to move around on the seat, but they won’t hit the dash or the back of the seat, should you have to stop suddenly. They only had hot pink, and he’s a male, but he’s color blind, so he probably doesn’t even notice.

Leaving a dog in a car, unattended is also a bad idea. I used to take our dog with me while running short errands. If it was hot outside, I would leave the car running with the air on and lock the car with the spare key. Not realizing that it is against the law to leave a car running, unattended. Perhaps just planning to run into the convenience store for a gallon of milk, thinking I’ll only be in there for a few minutes. Then, someone ahead of you in line writes a check. And you’re thinking who the heck writes checks anymore? And you’re in there for over an hour.

Until next week….

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

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This year, we are fortunate enough to stay home for the holidays and not do any traveling. But, for those of you who are planning to venture out on your long winter’s journey, here are a few tips to keep you safe during holiday travel.
Have your car checked out before you leave for your trip. Have the tires checked to be assured there is adequate tread for slippery roads. Make sure they are properly inflated and that your spare tire is ready for an emergency. If your tire jack that came with the car is a flimsy piece of junk, as they usually are these days, invest in an easy to operate jack at your local auto parts store. Have your fluid levels checked and topped off. If you haven’t already done so, flush and replace your antifreeze. Chances are, you won’t be parking in someone’s garage when you arrive at your destination, and your car will be exposed to the elements. Invest in a snow scaper and a pair of waterproof gloves. Be sure that your windshield wiper fluid is also filled and your oil grade is of the correct viscosity for cold weather. Try to put together a winter car care kit for an emergency, with blankets, water, crackers, and other items to keep you warm and alive in the event that you do get stranded on the side of the road.

And, have safe, happy travels. Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Holiday Travel – Comedy Defensive Driving

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While preparing my car for a long road trip a boyfriend once told me that my life was kind of like driving a car. Every once in a while I would go off the main road and onto an unfamiliar road which winds around, way off the beaten path. But, eventually I always found my way back to the main road. He was a Psychiatrist, so I don’t know if he was analyzing me or trying to tell me in a nice way that it just wasn’t going to work out between us. Dating a doctor was fun, but I wasn’t very nice to him. I used to send him flowers, knowing that they’d die and he couldn’t save them. I recently had another guy tell me that my driving is a “road trip.” What’s up with the criticism and driving analogies? They would both be shocked to know that I now teach defensive driving. Heck, even my own father laughed when I told him that. If you like to go off the beaten path in your life’s travels and your driving is a “road trip” maybe I can offer you a few tips for preparing your car for a road trip.

Traveling out of state

If you are planning on traveling out of state, remember that each state you travel through on your road trip has its own traffic laws which may differ from your own. Some states will now allow you to show the police your auto insurance on your phone, rather than the paper copy, and some won’t. Some state laws allow you to take a right turn on red, and a left turn on a one-way road onto a one-way road on red. Some states don’t allow you to date your own cousin (not a traffic law, but just a friendly reminder). You may also be required to have both a back and a front license plate on your car. Use your signals no matter what, even if you’re in a designated turn lane. Never cross over a double solid line. And remember that the 10% cushion that police used to allow over the speed limit is a thing of the past. Police now say the speed limit sign means what it says. It’s the “limit” and if you go over the limit, they will likely write you a citation. Some states now require that you follow the officer to the local courthouse and pay your ticket on the spot before leaving their state.

Treat your car to a mechanic

Before you set out on your journey, take your car to your favorite mechanic (you know, the cute one) and have them check out your fluid levels, tire pressure, etc. Have your oil changed before you leave for your road trip. Have them top off all of your fluids, including windshield wiper fluid. Make sure your car is travel worthy for the road trip. Also, the American Red Cross offers tips for safe travel when preparing your car for a road trip. Be well rested and alert, use your seatbelts, observe speed limits and follow the rules of the road.

Here are additional ways for preparing your car for a long road trip

• Give your full attention to the road. Avoid distractions such as cell phones and nude truck drivers.
• Use caution in work zones.
• Make frequent stops. Drinking plenty of fluids will help.
• Clean your vehicle’s lights and windows whenever you stop for gas.
• Turn your headlights on as dusk approaches or during inclement weather.
• Don’t overdrive your headlights.

And remember…don’t stop off at the place on Route 66 in Arizona that says “Live Baby Rattler” … it’s a rip off.

Until next week…be safe.

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Benevolent Thesbo

Preparing Your Car For A Road Trip – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Gas Saving Tips

Here are a few fuel economy tips we may all want to implement:
* A little extra maintenance certainly keeps the repairman away. Unless you like the rugged good looks of your repairman. Then, by all means, keep doing what you’re doing. But, if you keep your engine properly tuned-up, it is one of the most important gas saving tips.
* Tuning up a car that is noticeably out of tune or has failed an emissions test can improve its gas mileage by an average of 4 percent. Something more serious, such as a faulty oxygen sensor can improve your mileage by as much as 40 percent.
* Keeping your tires properly inflated can improve your gas mileage by up to 3.3 percent. The proper tire pressure for your vehicle is usually found on a sticker in the driver’s side door-jam or in the glove box. It will also be in your owner’s manual.
* Use the recommended grade of motor oil, too. You can improve your gas mileage by 1 to 2 percent by using the manufacturer’s recommended grade of motor oil.
* Also keep your vehicle properly aligned. If your vehicle’s wheels are not perfectly aligned, they cause additional friction with the road. This increases fuel consumption. Aligning your vehicle will also increase your tires’ tread life. Replacing tires is yet another expense you certainly don’t need. Just ask your repairman/boyfriend how he feels about alignment. But first, lock the door so he can’t run away.

The most important way to save gas while driving is to drive the speed limit. I know it’s hard to do, especially when the flow-of-traffic is traveling much factor that the actual posted speed limit. If you’re driving the speed limit and everyone else is going 10mph faster, people act as if you’re driving like a little old lady. Speeding or rapid acceleration wastes gas:
* It can lower your gas mileage by whopping 33 percent at highway speeds and by 5 percent around town.
* Driving the speed limit will also save you in speeding tickets.
* Use cruise control whenever you can to help maintain a constant speed, which will use considerably less gas.
* If you have a car with an overdrive gear, that will also help save on fuel consumption.
* And remove any extra weight you may be carrying. But not the repairman/boyfriend…you may need him.

But all joking aside, the best way to save gas is to stay out of the left-lane (aka: the “Passing Lane”) on the freeway. Why? Because if you’re clogging up the passing lane and the flow-of-traffic is traveling faster then you, then you are impeding the masses and they will spend more gas trying to accelerate around you. Now you’re waisting other peoples gas as well… I mean, its not like everyone is going to slow down because you’re out there driving the speed limit! So be smart, stay as far to the right as possible… and know you’re doing your part to save gas.

Until next week…

Daun T.
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Exgas-o-holic

Gas Saving Tips for Comedy Defensive Driving

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Labor Day has a whole new kind of meaning for those of us who have given birth. Why don’t they have a day for us? Oh, that’s right, they do. It’s called Mother’s Day. Or, “CPS Day” for some of us. Here’s a little nugget of knowledge to hang on to. Did you know that CPS will babysit for FREE! And, if you play your cards right, they will babysit for YEARS! But some of you mothers already know that. I am curious, why doesn’t Mothers Day ever come on a Monday? And why isn’t it a paid holiday, and a long week end? That way, mothers that slur can start celebrating at 5:00 p.m. on Friday and stay in the celebratory mode until late Monday evening?

Drinking on long week ends makes Labor Day travel even more of a risky venture. Not only are there drunk drivers on the roads but also hungover drivers with the brown bottle flu. Drivers with slow reflexes, anger issues and some with a death wish. Surely you’ll see some of them weaving and drifting their way back home. That has to be tough on the kiddos being towed behind the car in your boat. They thought it would be all fun and games. You thought it would be an excellent form of punishment. After all, you are the parent…the adult…the decision maker.

The American Red Cross offers tips for safe Labor Day travel. Be well rested and alert, use your seat belts, observe speed limits and follow the rules of the road. If you plan on drinking alcohol, designate a driver who won’t drink. The Red Cross also offers other tips for road trip safety.

• Give your full attention to the road. Avoid distractions such as cell phones.
• Don’t follow another vehicle too closely.
• Use caution in work zones.
• Make frequent stops.
• Clean your vehicle’s lights and windows to help you see, especially at night.
• Turn your headlights on as dusk approaches or during inclement weather.
• Don’t overdrive your headlights.

And remember, each state you travel through has its own traffic laws. In some states, you can’t take a right turn at a red light, nor a left turn at a red light onto a one way road from a one way road. You may also be required to have a license plate on both the back and the front of your car. Keep your insurance card handy. Use your signals no matter what, even if you’re in a designated turn lane. Never cross over a double solid line. And the 10% “cushion” over the speed limit doesn’t always apply. Police say the speed limit sign means what it says. It’s the “limit” and if you go over that limit, they could write you a ticket. Some states now require that you follow the officer to the local courthouse and pay your ticket in a deposit box before leaving their state. This economy has resulted in some sad, desperate measures.

Happy Labor Day travels from Comedy Defensive Driving to you and yours.

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Idea Mogul

Labor Day Travel – Comedy Defensive Driving

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What a novel idea Walt Disney had when he chose to have every ride at Disney World exit through a gift shop. Walt Disney World is the ultimate tourist trap. And, being located in the state with the highest population of senior citizens, it’s likely the most dangerous driving excursion you’ll ever make. Even when my daughter and I took a trip to Atlantis in the Bahamas, the Dolphin Encounter exit filtered through a gift shop. Inside the souvenir shop, there was also a photo counter where you could purchase pictures of yourself, posed with a large, smiling dolphin. We thought we were going to swim with dolphins, but come to find out, it was just a photo opportunity. Before they allow you to participate in the Dolphin Encounter, they first make you sign a waiver saying that you won’t touch the dolphins around the eyes, the blowhole or the private area. I told the dolphin trainer that “I would try to control myself…but I drink…so I can’t make any promises.”

Talk about trip planning, when I was about nine years old, my sisters and I took a trip from St. Louis to Los Angeles with my great aunt and two other very old women. That trip was just under 2,000 miles, each way. With six arguing females in one car, it’s extraordinary that we even came back alive. I remember we went to Arizona, where there was a roadside attraction to “See A Baby Rattler.” We stopped, paid the admittance fee and saw it…just lying there in a large wooden box, a pink plastic baby rattle. I’m sure we got a picture with it, I can’t remember.  I bought some suede moccasins and an Indian doll that had a beaded costume that smelled like fresh airplane glue and sniffing it seemed to help ease the pain of the trip. We passed through New Mexico, Las Vegas where you had to be 21 to even use the toilets and the highlight of the trip was when we went to the Grand Canyon.  By then, everyone was tempted to push each other into the abyss.

The point of our trip was to drive most of it on Route 66, which crosses America through 8 states giving travelers a chance to see Americana that hasn’t evolved since the 1920’s. Or, as most tourist traps put it “to recapture the past.” It does have the most majestic scenery and the best tourist traps west of the Mississippi, as the road twists and turns at over 2,288 miles.

I found some old postcards we had sent to my parents from that trip. Most of my writing was incoherent, likely due to the airplane glue from the Indian doll. One, telling my parents that the best part of the entire trip was the Barney Rubble house in Valle, Arizona. Yes, it must have been the glue.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist / Glue Sniffer

Trip Planning for Tourist Traps – Comedy Defensive Driving

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