school Archives - Comedy Defensive Driving®

ORANGE…YOUR NEW FAVORITE COLOR

Lisa — Mon, 12 Sep 2011 18:00:44 +0000

Many of our cities are currently widening their freeways, lengthening their entrance and exit ramps (thank God for that) and performing general maintenance on their highways and roadways. With that, we find more construction and work zones slowing commuters down and in some cases, creating a bottle neck situation. Which only adds fuel to the fire of the common road rager (sounds like a creature on animal planet).
Those poor construction workers! Construction is already the most dangerous land-based work sector, after the fishing industry. I’ve watched that show Most Dangerous Catch. What a hellish job that would be…next to being the President of the United States, of course (Dane Cook pointed this out first, not me). For construction workers, though, not only do they have the possibility of health hazards such as asbestos, solvents, falls, electrocution and being struck by falling objects, oh…and being made fun of in those goofy looking orange vests, they also have to worry about motor vehicles passing through the construction zone. Now, I don’t know that anyone has compiled a report of the number of injuries or fatalities caused by passing vehicles, but I have already heard my share of scary stories and close-calls.
In a construction zone nearby, a young worker was telling me that he is employed to hold a SLOW sign at the beginning of the construction zone on a busy major freeway. So far, he said he’s had a Blimpie sandwich thrown at him and two, 20 oz. bottles of soda. Just whipped at his head by people who are mad at him for making them slow down on the freeway. Like it’s his fault. He said the sandwich didn’t even have a bite out of it. It was in the bag with a napkin and chips…the works! “I don’t think the dude was buying me lunch”, he said, “Lunch shouldn’t hurt.” All of that made him a little apprehensive about showing up for work each morning. But the latest incident, someone in a dually truck didn’t feel much like slowing down and their side mirror clipped him just right and dislocated his shoulder. Now, he hides behind his SLOW sign and uses it like a “shield” to protect him from the haters. I don’t know how much he gets paid on that job, but he may want to find something more safe and cushy, like a pool boy or a hand model.
Here’s a few points to remember:
• Stay alert and drive defensively, dedicating all of your attention to the road.
• Look out for and pay attention to all work zone signs and flaggers.
• Headlights should be turned on so that workers and other drivers are aware of passing automobiles.
• Never speed. Slow down as you approach the work zone and observe the posted work zone speed limits.
• Keep up with traffic flow.
• Do not resume normal speed until roadway signs indicate that it is safe to do so.
• Do not tailgate. Leave braking room between your vehicle and the one in front.
• Leave a safe distance between your vehicle and traffic barriers, construction trucks and equipment and workers.
• Don’t change lanes in a work zone or pass on the shoulder.
• Pay attention and avoid distractions such as cell phones and the radio.
• Be patient and plan ahead for delays.
• Expect the unexpected by keeping an eye out for workers and equipment.
These guys are just hard-working people. Trying to make an honest living. And improving our commute in the long-run. Cut ‘em a break. Pay extra careful attention to those guys in the orange vests. They have kids at home, too (hmmm…maybe that’s why they choose to work those long hours).
Until next week…remember…orange is your new favorite color!
Daun Thompson
(Daun Thompson is a comedienne, writer and artist residing in Dallas, Texas)

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Driving in the Bible belt or another reason for traffic school

Lisa — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 18:09:24 +0000

As I drive around Dallas, I can’t help but notice there are a lot of churches, no big surprise, right? Dallas is part of the Bible belt and in Texas we love our football, guns and Jesus! Not necessarily in that order and according to a recent survey by Auto Vantage, Dallas is number 2 in the nation when it comes to road rage. I’m not trying to be cynical about religion and I believe in a higher power. I think it is great that some people have a spiritual foundation but what happens to that “Golden Rule” and “love thy neighbor” thing when we get behind the wheel of our car? I now a Bible beater’s rebuttal would go something like this;

“We are only human and we are not perfect and you’re going to burn in a lake of fire!!!”

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing religion, either. All I’m suggesting is that we need that little light that shines to carry it with us in our cars. That way the next time some asshole cuts us off, we won’t shoot him the finger or just plain shoot him!

And with the holiday season upon us and everyone trying to get here and there, be a little friendlier out on the roads. It takes an extra second to let someone in. Turn on your signal before you turn or change lanes. Give a friendly wave when someone lets you into traffic. Don’t cut off an 18-wheeler, it takes truckers over four times the distance to stop than a regular vehicle. And no sex while driving!

Remember, a world without road rage starts with you, if someone is tailgating you, ask yourself, “what would Jesus do?” He would probably get pissed off too and send them to hell!

I hope you have a safe and happy holiday season. Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

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Traffic tickets on Monster vehicles? Probably a good idea…

Lisa — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 16:01:26 +0000

Needless “monster” vehicles, we see them all the time cluttering our freeways and taking-up two parking spaces. The Hummer is a prime example, this vehicle was used in the Persian Gulf War to take on the battle fields and help transport troops to destroy the enemy and somehow “The Gods of Pop Culture” also decided it would be great to transport kids to soccer practice and mom to Pilate’s class. Of course GM sold the modified civilian version of the Hum-Vee, I mean come on, would you really want a bunch of pus#@-yuppies feeling that empowered on the roadways?!?!

If you drive a Hummer you should be ashamed, you douche bag! What do you really need all that vehicle for anyway? Are you afraid that Neiman Marcus might go out of business and you needing some muscle to power your way through the parking lot of their “final days” sale? Or are you getting prepared for the apocalypse? The demographic that amuses me the most is the W.A.S.P. family driving the Hummer, living in a gated-community far away from minorities in the lush suburbs of American cities, now that’s a reality show!

Let’s not forget the 4×4 raised pick-up truck, this has “DUMBA…S” written all over it! I’m not talking about farm/work trucks that some people need to make a living, I’m talking about the “wife beater” who drives the pickup truck that you need a ladder to climb into. This is the kind of truck you need if you don’t like going to fast food drive-thru windows (I don’t blame you, they f#@k up your order anyway.)

And my favorite, the long-pimpmobile! A gas guzzling boat of a car with a DVD screen playing porn and blasting gangsta rap at the red light so we can all hear about a guy slapping his bitch. Have we really gotten that stupid with our vehicles? What happen to practicality? Whenever I see someone driving a Hybrid, “sensible” SUV or compact car, I think there is a person with common sense and when I see a person driving a small KIA, I think there is a person who cares about the environment or they have bad credit.

Join me again next week and until then…

Take care and be safe-

Danny Keaton

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