MAXIMUM SPEED LIMIT

Keeping up with the flow of traffic, even if everyone is speeding, is the absolutely proven to be safest. But, as police say, the sign posts the “limit” and if you go over the limit, you could get a speeding ticket. And proving why you were going 40mph in a 20mph school zone will be close to impossible. But, come on, driving 20mph feels like you’re crawling. And, heaven forbid the guy in front of you is driving like a nervous chihuahua and not even doing 20!

MINIMUM SPEED LIMIT

Minimum speeding limits are typically posted on higher speed roadways and freeways. Not keeping up with the flow of traffic, or driving too slow definitely causes more car accidents. But, it is said that the high-impact from speeding crashes cause more traffic fatalities. And that’s why police still write so many speeding tickets. They should absolutely be writing them for driving too slow, as well.

For more information about why speed limits are set and a list of speed zone studies, check with your state’s department of transportation. If you live and drive in the great state of Texas, go to https://www.txdot.gov/driver/laws/speed-limits/studies.html.

Until next week…
Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

WHY WE HAVE SPEED LIMITS – Comedy Defensive Driving

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I taught my daughter how to drive. And, I must tell you, my daughter is a slow driver. At least she is when I am in the car with her. And, because she drives the speed limit, people pass her on the right. And they honk at her and flip her off (with me in the car!). Hey! That’s my kid you’re flipping off! I learned that’s what the sun roof is for … flipping people off. And, if you can drive with your knees, you can apparently flip people off with both hands. People are talented, aren’t they? They should put Prozac in the water system. So, my daughter would fit in well here. Or, in Colorado, for that matter. Since they’ve legalized marijuana, I bet there are a lot less speeders now. And more job openings in the snack industry.

But here are the hard, sad facts. Slow drivers cause more accidents than speeders. Not keeping up with the flow of traffic (just like not keeping up with the Kardashians) is actually more dangerous than speeding. But, the impact from those high speed crashes actually cause more fatalities than low-impact crashes. Have you ever heard the term “Speed Kills?” I wish I’d made up that phrase. I’d totally put it on a bumper sticker and collect royalties. And I would put one on my own bumper. Right alongside my other bumper sticker that says “Tailgating Kills.”

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Slow Drivers – Comedy Defensive Driving School

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My parents are now about a decade past their prime retirement age. I was telling my sister how I had noticed that our parents, who have been married for over 50 years, are so terribly co-dependent that they even share reading glasses. Mom’s reading the paper in Dad’s big black framed Mister Magoo-looking glasses.She looks like a shop teacher in drag. My Dad’s reading a manual on spousal abuse.  He’s wearing my Mom’s pink cat-eye glasses. Yes, the ones with the rhinestones.And now, the two of them have become so out-of-control co-dependent that they’re also on the same medications to control their diabetes, blood pressure and cholesterol.And not just the same meds.The exact same dosage, too.My sister was like “Duh, Mom has cooked for both of them for 50 years…canned this and fried that…it’s not that surprising.”

So, with health issues looming, when is it time to persuade someone to turn in their keys?Since I am the adult child of an elderly driver, I realize that having a drivers license and being independent is a vital part of an elderly person’s life.Once that independence is taken away, it’s a sad existence for most elderly folks.To most, it’s a sensitive subject.But one’s major concern should be the safety of their elderly parent as well as the safety of others driving around them.My Mother confided in me that lately, my Father’s driving scares the crap out of her. That’s where the incontinent diapers comes in handy (too mean?).The latest incident, they were in a rental mini van in Florida, coming back from the dog track with two other couples from their retirement community.My Dad was following someone too close (that was her main gripe) and they hit a black bear. He didn’t see it and it totally messed up that mini van. But as he said “It’s a rental…who cares.” I’m sure all three couples had to go to Walgreens to get their blood pressure checked (too mean again??).

To help with the decision making, most states have added restrictions on elderly license renewals.And, while some seniors cause more accidents than others due to deteriorating physical and mental abilities, teenage drivers, who are less experienced cause just as many, if not more accidents. Inexperienced drivers have restrictions on them when they first start driving. In Texas, the restrictions lift after 6 months.So, some argue that restrictions based solely on age are discriminatory.

Some states require that a senior cannot renew their license by mail or internet.And most states require a more frequent renewal period for seniors. Texas requires renewal every two years for drivers age 85 or older, where regular renewal for all other drivers is six years.Some states are every 3 years for seniors.Generally, the renewal process requires a written test, road test, eye test, etc.Noting how many moving violations and/or crashes in a certain period of time would also come into play. AARP and other organizations offer driver safety programs for mature drivers, so there are programs out there.  Good to know. And some insurance companies allow discounts after defensive driving courses, so it’s a good idea to take one even if you don’t have a ticket…

Too bad you can’t use that senior citizen discount for a moving violation…that’d really come in handy.

Until next week…be sweet to old people…they’ve been driving longer than you have.

Daun Thompson

( Daun Thompson is a comedienne, writer and artist residing in Dallas )

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One such website is YouParkLikeAnA__Hole.com. Some are offended by the site’s name. But, come on, isn’t it appropriate? Here, if you are sick of a car taking up two spaces or parked entirely too close to yours, you can submit photos and complain about it. They also have a notice that you can download and place on the car’s windshield. Perhaps this will put an “end” to a-hole parking (pun intended). Or, at least make fun of it.

And, what about that person weaving back-and-forth, driving under the speed limit? When I was a kid, that person was likely driving drunk. Now, you get up along side them and they’re on the cell phone. Of course, if they’re crying on the cell phone, they’re probably drunk. And texting’s even worse. It’s a proven fact that you are 400x more likely to be involved in a crash if you text and drive. That’s equivalent to drinking and driving…you’re also 400x more likely to be involved in a crash if you’re drinking and driving. So, if you’re texting and drinking…damn! That’s like 800x! And now there’s a website for that. TWI (Texting While Intoxicated) (twiapp.com). The best one today?It was a picture message…of a girl passed out, face-down on someone’s lawn. Message: “No officer. She just really enjoys the smell of grass…..”A few more great ones, “Dude i just had sex with cinderella at disnyworld i think i can cross that one off my bucket list.”“You should never set the cruise control after drinking for 12 hours…” (picture of truck in a pond).And, the comments people make are the icing on the hate cake.

Another drinking while texting site which may have actually been the predecessor to the above site is Texts From Last Night (textsfromlastnight.com). A few greats…”I just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. I need to STOP SMOKING THIS SH_T.”“Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home.”“I made a cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.”“My math teach staples burger kind applications to failed tests.”

Craigslist is also a great place to vent and/or get a good laugh out of other people’s venting. Furniture is a main selling item on Craigslist. And, remember, if you’re going to haul furniture on the freeway, stay in the right lane (a.k.a. the slow lane). Yes, if you have a buddy in the back of your pick-up truck, bodysurfing on a mattress…keep it in the right lane. And, if you drive to a stranger’s home to view some lovely furniture that was listed on Craigslist…there’s no need to speed. Trust me…it’s not that lovely. Want a good laugh Check out The Best Of Craigslist (left column of the home page). Here a few favorite titles:

A few pointers from your friendly neighborhood locomotive engineer…

Greetings from your friendly HWY 17 bus driver…

To the guy who tailgated me for 20 miles this morning…

To the slow winter drivers…

All I ever wanted was to be woken up by your car alarm…

Lost your teeth? They’re poolside.

Free Kool-Aid Costume:and the copy… It was built as part of an elaborate prank to bust through a wall. Unfortunately due to its large size it had to be cut in half to be taken out of my basement. But a little bit of duct tape and spray paint will have him as good as new in no time!

Autographed Copy of the Bible:and the copy… I’ve read it three times. Pretty boring.

Until next week … laugh it off … life’s too short!

Daun Thompson

(Daun Thompson is a comedienne, artist and writer residing in Dallas, Texas)

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When I first heard this, I must admit, that Sammy Hagar song “I Can’t Drive 55” came to mind.I thought he wrote that in ’95 when the California speed limit was raised from 55 to 65.But, apparently he wrote it in ’85. Eleven years earlier.I didn’t know he was claire voyant.You’d think he would have seen that Van Halen thing coming…hmmmm.

At 80 mph, Texas’ speed limit is already one of the highest in the nation.And people can’t even do that!Some people are concerned that elevating the speed limit may cause more accidents.More deaths.You’ll get there faster….but you may arrive dead.There were less road deaths when the national speed limit was 55 in 1973.All states had adopted the 55 mph speed limit to keep federal highway funding.The number of fatalities increased when the speed limit was raised to 65 mph on some rural interstates in the late 80’s and again when the national speed limit was abolished altogether in the mid-90’s. In 2006, Texas raised their speed limit from 70 or 75 to 80 on 2 highways in west Texas. Texas now has more than 500 miles of highway with a speed limit of 80. If set at 85, most will drive 90 or 95.I think some people just put the pedal to the metal to see if the speedometer, past that certain point, really works, or is fake.  (Not me…)

Researchers also are saying that speeding increases fuel consumption and could end up costing tax payers more in the long run.According to the U.S. Department of Energy, speeding increases fuel consumption. And every 5 mph you drive over 60 mph is like paying an additional .25 per gallon for gas.

I had heard that, in California, if everyone is speeding and you’re not, you can get a ticket for not keeping up with the flow of traffic. But the police will give you a ticket for speeding, just the same. Which way to go? Maybe try to do the speed limit!The ‘flow of traffic’ concept would not apply if the drivers were all exceeding the posted speed limit. All drivers would be breaking the law by driving faster than 70. But if the motorist in front driving 70 were to drop his speed to 69 or lower, he could be cited for impeding flow of traffic if he didn’t move to a slower lane where traveling below the maximum, or posted, speed limit is acceptable. California doesn’t have minimum speed limits. You simply must drive to the right, or in right-hand lanes, if you elect to drive slower than the flow or slower than the maximum limit.If they would have passed that Proposition 19, regarding marijuana, there would have been a lot less speeders in California. A lot more slow , paranoid drivers. And a lot more job openings, since some of those people would be less ambitiuos to show up to work.

Exactly one year ago, I had read that the 5-10 mph “cushion” authorities give drivers may soon be disappearing, as city and state officials try to make up lost revenue.Now, one year later, they were spot-on.I bet Sammy Hagar already knew that. A study by the National Motorists Association says more drivers are being pulled over, only going a couple miles over the speed limit.Of the top ten speed traps noted by the National Motorists Association, three are here in Texas. Dallas, Austin, and, number one, Houston.

God love traffic enforcement folk. That’s a job I certainly would not want. All day long….pulling people over….getting the sour puss. No one would ever be glad to see you… “Oh, I’m so glad you pulled me over…I needed someone to talk to.” Most police would probably like to give everyone a warning, but sometimes nothing modifies your behavior more than paying hundreds of dollars for a moving violation, sitting through a 6 hour defensive driving class, or sudden death.

Until next week.  Be safe.

Daun Thompson

(Daun Thompson is a comedienne, artist and writer living in Dallas, Texas)

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Choose the Lowest Price Traffic School Providing Certificates

Even if budget is your main concern, it is best to use a reputable service that also provides certificates, as a certificate may be required if you are ordered to complete traffic school. When you have a traffic school that provides the lowest price, traffic school sessions can be repeated every so often to keep your driving good and to remind you of the little things that are easy to forget when you have been a licensed driver for some time.

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