Just this morning, I was driving home from jail (that’s another story…I’ll tell you about it later) and I got stuck behind Senor Slow doing about 45mph in the left lane of the freeway. I was in a big hurry to get home and wash the jail off of me (just kidding here…did you really think I went to jail??). Dude, the left lane’s for passing only. Yes, I know they only have signs posted on Interstates, but any high speed roadway, the left lane is only for passing other cars. And, I noticed that I wasn’t the only impatient driver on the road. Some people were passing him on the right, honking at him while flipping him off. In other words, they were multi-tasking. Today, I discovered that’s what the sunroof is for…flipping people off. And, if you can drive with your knees, you can flip someone off with both hands. Which gave me an idea. I’m going to buy a foam finger, cut the finger off and glue it to the middle and just wave it out the sunroof while I’m driving down the freeway. “I’m number one! Eat my dust!!”

Then, like everyone else, I too have a bit of trouble with rush hour traffic in this big city. I was letting someone merge onto the freeway from the entrance ramp. And the guy behind me honked at me as if to say “Don’t let him in.” Dude, just take a pill (they should put Prozac in the water system here). Although the ramp yields to the freeway traffic, it doesn’t hurt to let one car, per car enter the freeway off the ramp when traffic is at a stand still. They used to call it the “zipper.” I do realize that some people think they’re doing their good deed for the day and let half a dozen cars merge in at one time. Thinking they’re being a good samaritan. While the guy behind them is counting how many bullets he needs to put in the chamber of his gun. Yes, because everyone in Texas has a gun. When I moved here, everyone had gun racks in the back window of their truck on display. Then I moved to Napa Valley, where everyone had a wine rack in the back window of their vehicle.

There are a lot of annoying drivers out there. Tailgaters, road ragers, drivers with no common sense, nor common courtesy. Don’t you be labeled the annoying driver. Pay attention to your surroundings. Let people merge when they need to. And keep on taking your Prozac.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Idea Mogul

The Annoying Driver – Comedy Defensive Driving

The post The Annoying Driver appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

Tailgate parties are upon us, which means football season is here and that means there is only one proper way to tailgate. Nothing against football, and don’t be mad at me, but I’m just not that into football. I grew up in a house full of women. My dad spent most of his time at work (a.k.a. the pub) where he could hang out with other guys and watch sports. He was hardly ever home. While all of the other moms in our neighborhood would be threatening their kids “You just wait until your father gets home.” My mom would be threatening us “IF your father EVER comes home…whatever!” They were mostly empty threats, because when he did come home, “toasted” he’d give us money. Well, he didn’t really give us the money…he’d pass out and we’d take it out of his wallet. I called it my college fund. And, my dad was so proud of me when I graduated from college, he framed my diploma and hung it above the mantel. My sister dropped out of school, so, just to be fair, he framed her DWI Defensive Driving Certificate and hung it next to my diploma (crooked, because he drinks).

Although I am not an experience tailgater, I have done a little research on the proper way to tailgate. The Iowa State Food Safety website says you should always be careful what foods you pack and that you store them at the proper temperature to ensure they do not get contaminated or develop bacteria. Here are a few tips from their website:

Follow these simple steps to ensure food safety:

• Buy reasonable quantities
• If food won’t be served soon, store it in a cooler immediately
• When you get home, properly wrap and freeze deli meats that won’t be eaten within two to four days
• REMEMBER most food poisoning bacteria can NOT be seen, smelled, or tasted
• Bacteria multiply fastest between temperatures of 40 and 140; it’s what we call the Danger Zone
• If in doubt, throw it out! Keep hot foods HOT (above 140° F) and cold foods COLD (40° F or below)

The 21st Century Insurance company website offers these safety tips as well on the proper way to tailgate:

• If you’re grilling, make sure to bring a fire extinguisher
• After your tailgate is finished, throw away all food that may spoil. Leftovers may be tempting after the game, but they may also be dangerous
• If you’re using a charcoal grill, make sure to cool the coals properly before putting them in a garbage container or back in your car (unless you want to use them as a discipline tool)
• Make sure you can see properly and that there are no items in your way, such as bottles or cans before starting to drive
• Secure your grill and other items in the back so nothing can fall out
• If any guest have been drinking alcohol, make sure they don’t get behind the wheel

And, most of all, have fun. You won’t have another 3 day weekend until Columbus Day.

Until next week…Happy Labor Day!

Daun T
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

The Proper Way To Tailgate – Comedy Defensive Driving

The post The Proper Way To Tailgate appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

Trusting Other Drivers

I don’t know about you, but I have trust issues. And I certainly don’t trust other drivers around me while they are texting, tailgating, road raging, etc. How comfortable do you feel telling the person driving you around that they should not be texting while driving? Especially when they have passengers in the car. What if that person is your new boss? Would it be a big faux pas to scold them? Perhaps the best measure would be to ask them to either wait until you’ve stopped, or to offer to text the message for them as they dictate. After all, isn’t that what they really hired you for in the first place? And, they’re supposed to be the boss, shouldn’t you be driving them instead? Ask them if you can drive while they text. Take some measures so you can begin trusting other drivers. And, if you just can’t help yourself, and you’re the “parent” type, you could bring up the fact that you have eight wonderful children (and perhaps even more that you don’t know about) who depend on you for food and shelter and what would happen to them if you were suddenly killed in a senseless accident all due to your driver’s bad texting habit?

Not only do you have to worry yourself about your own driver, you also have to be concerned with trusting other drivers around you. Especially the weaving and drifting kind. Drunk drivers, distracted drivers, inpatient drivers or even those pesky out of town drivers who don’t know where the heck they’re going in the first place. You know the kind that nearly miss their exit, so they cross three or four lanes of traffic so they don’t miss it. And, what are they even thinking, if they’re thinking at all? “I’m going to take this exit if it kills me…and kills everyone else in the way.” There are a lot of selfish drivers out there that take risks at others expense. And, with all of the new, hi-tech safety features in the car, maybe they think those safety features will save their life. That may explain why people take such crazy risks. The airbag alone could do some damage. It comes out as a controlled explosion. And, although it’s a better alternative than eating the steering wheel or hitting the windshield with your cranium, you could still come out of it with burns, a broken nose and that white powder all over your face. So, you may still be alive, but you’re hurting and now you look like a mime.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Comedienne / Writer / Artist / Mime

Trusting Other Drivers – Comedy Defensive Driving

The post Trusting Other Drivers appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

Let’s take the turn signal, for instance. Letting someone know that you are going to change lanes or turn is an awesome concept. Unfortunately, in heavy traffic, people agree that signaling to change lanes will sometimes guarantee that no one will let you over. You’ve just sealed your fate. Being a reformed non-signaler, myself, I can’t explain why I wasn’t using my signal. Perhaps I was trying to save the life of the bulb, so it lasts the life of the car. And, now that I do signal, I’ve learned that you just have to be patient and someone will eventually let you in. And then, make sure you give them their thank you wave in a timely manner, or that’ll make them mad, too. I know a young man who not only signals his lane change, but in heavy traffic, he also rolls down his window and waves at the person in the next lane to get their attention. He makes eye contact with them and literally begs them to let him over. Sometimes he even cries. He never really said that, but I know him, and he probably does cry.

Now, the scariest tool, by far, is the horn. Great for communicating on the road in the past, now honking the horn is likened to scolding someone in public.  While the short beep means “shame on you…wake up and drive,” laying on the horn makes people absolutely bonkers. That long, nagging, whining horn reminds me of being screamed at by my mother, before being grounded for life. And, if the person you’re honking at happens to have a gun, and they use it, the grounding for them would certainly be for life…in the state prison.

Giving someone a brake check or tapping your brakes to let the person behind you know that you think they are following too close is also now taken as a sign of aggression. If they are tailgating you and you clearly cannot move over because that lane is bumper to bumper traffic, putting your hazard lights on may diffuse their anger. Now they’ve gone from being angry at you to feeling sorry for you. It’s a little passive-aggressive perhaps, but harmless, nonetheless. You still get to kind of “zing” them without causing their anger to escalate.

And those good old hazard lights have changed their meaning too. Yes, they may be good to diffuse a tailgating situation. But using them when broken down on the side of the road is not a good idea, as one would think. Apparently drunk drivers are attracted to flashing lights (kind of like how blonds are attracted to shiny objects), and the drunk driver may drive right into your car. Better than using your hazard lights, turn on your signal light as if you are planning to re-enter the freeway. Other drivers will see this and be afraid that you could pull out right in front of them. Which may encourage them to move over and put an empty lane between you and them for their safety, which turns out to be for your safety, too.

Until next week…use those tools the car manufacturer gave you…before they become extinct.

Daun Thompson      Artist / Comedienne / Writer

Communicating On The Road – Comedy Defensive Driving

The post IT’S EVERYONE’S BUSINESS – COMMUNICATING ON THE ROAD appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.

Tailgating is a major annoyance to me and I’m sure to you too.  If I’m in the left lane and I see someone coming up behind me, I move over.  Don’t wait until that other driver is on your bumper, move over in time!  If someone is tailgating, don’t do a break check and hope they are covered financially by that funny little gecko.  Simple turn on your blinker to let them know you see them and that you are moving over.

Our world of driving in the U.S. will never be perfect, but all of us have a personal responsibility to help make it a little easier.  What’s your driving pet peeve?  Let me know and I’ll talk to you next week.

Take Care-

Danny Keaton

www.myspace.com/comicdemexican     

The post Driver Pet Peeves appeared first on Comedy Defensive Driving®.