While it may be found that this is a safer approach, I doubt that I am the only driver who misses those green arrows in left turn lanes. If there is heavy oncoming traffic the left turn lane should always get a green arrow to move some of the congestion out of that lane (which is usually backed up into the next lane for a mile!). At times, I have found that I am better off to go through the light, do a u-turn on the other side of the intersection and turn right onto the street I am trying to route to, but this too can be dangerous in heavy traffic. And, in some cases, u-turns are illegal. As for me, I try to avoid intersections altogether if I can help it, or at least the ones where the left turn light goes to red, then a yellow flashing arrow and back to red.

I do realize that the change, as they say, is all about safety and consistency. But now that they seem to be active just about everywhere, you may want to bring a razor in the car with you. Because, although you may leave the house clean-shaven, by the time you get to work, you’re guaranteed to have grown a full beard.

Until next week…

Daun Thompson
Writer / Comedienne / Artist

Flashing Yellow Arrow Signals – Comedy Defensive Driving

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And, thank God for the invention of lane markings in 1911. Before that, there were noted to have been a lot of head-on horse and donkey collisions. Resulting in what we commonly know as the “mule”, which is the result of a female horse mating with a male donkey…also known as the first “hybrid” mode of transportation. And you thought Porsche was the first hybrid, didn’t you?  Painted markings on the road are meant to keep you on the straight and narrow. For example, yellow lines separate traffic going opposite directions, while white broken lines separate lanes going the same direction. And, while a solid white line means that it is a risky area and you should not change lanes across a solid white line, if it is double white line on a two-lane road, you can only pass when the line on your side of the double line becomes a broken line. By the way, when passing another vehicle, they call that “to overtake it.” Sounds like a Nazi control issue to me. And, you can certainly get a ticket for crossing over a double solid white line. Just like you can certainly get a ticket for giving a cop the finger. While safety is knowledge, knowledge is power and that knowledge may save you money some day. Money is fines, damages and hospital bills.

Until next week…pay attention…obey the law…use that knowledge.

Daun Thompson, Comedienne/Artist/Idea Mogul
Safety Is Knowledge And Knowledge Is Power – Comedy Defensive Driving

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Below is a list of things that are said to put an officer “at ease.”

• Pull over to the right side of the road and find a safe place to stop. Do this immediately. Police get a little suspicious if you don’t pull over right away. You don’t want them to assume that you are attempting to conceal something and perhaps are just needing more time to stash it (like that inflatible H.O.V. doll you got on ebay).
• Don’t get out of the car. Yes, maybe in that small town where you went to High School with the officer who is pulling you over, you may have gotten out and met him half-way, hoping that was a friendly gesture. Not anymore. Stay in the car.
• Put your car in park. Leaving your car in gear gives them the impression that you might try to flee the scene. Tips for fleeing the scene will be in next week’s comedy blog (just kidding).
• Roll down the windows so that the officer can see inside the vehicle. If they can see within your car, they may assume that you have nothing to hide. Just roll ’em down…especially if they’re tinted windows…windows tinted so dark that you don’t want him to see how dark they are…they’ll give you a ticket for that as well. Cha-ching!
• Shut off your car. Again, not to give them the impression that you may try to flee by leaving your car running.
• Put your keys on the dashboard. Or, if you are a Felon, just throw the keys out the window. Where you’re going, you’re not going to need them anyway.
• Sit Still. Keep your hands high on the wheel within plain sight. Hands open.
• Do not reach for anything. (Especially a weapon). And, by all means, don’t ask the officer to hold your beer while you get your information out of the glove box.
• Move like a sloth (…it’ll freak ’em out).
• Let the officer speak first. Whatever you do, don’t address the officer as “sir” until you get a really good look at him/her (Aha! Now you see why?). That’s the quickest way to get on a female police officer’s bad side.
• And if they ask you “Do you know why I pulled you over?” (a classic question). Just say no. Don’t say “To remind me that I forgot to turn my radar detector on?”
• If they ask you if you know how fast you’re going (another classic question) just say no. Don’t say “Not fast enough, apparently.” And, when they disclose what your actual speed is, for the love of God, don’t say “You should have seen how fast I was going about 10 miles back, ossifer.“
•  If they ask you is there a good reason why you are speeding? Just say no. Don’t say you’re trying to get to the liquor store before they close. Because that first case of beer didn’t really do the trick.”

Until next week…stay out of trouble.

Daun Thompson

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