What do I do? I had to ask myself that question as I was meditating one night before bed, OK maybe I was more MEDICATing then “tating”. None the less, I pondered that self-inquiry and if one is not expecting that, it could raise some self-doubt. “What do I do?”- The little voice that my therapist calls “Ego Danny” catechized. Without delay, I answered myself in a mumble that would have made anybody feel uncomfortable that may or may not have been sitting at that particular bar.
I save lives! Yes, I do and no, I don’t have a cape, not even a leather mask, with spikes…I swear, really I don’t. I do stand-up comedy, I write and for the last 10 years, I been teaching Comedy Defensive Driving classes. These are driving safety courses that the good, friendly, kind folks of Texas take to dismiss a traffic ticket if they just so happen to exceed the posted speed limit or various other moving violations. Yes, we are friendly drivers in Texas. When you enter Texas from Oklahoma on I-35, the sign that greets galvanized travelers says: “Welcome to Texas – Drive Friendly – The Texas Way – Proud Home of President George W. Bush”
I wonder if Austria has a welcome sign that pays tribute to Hitler.
Yeah, we’re friendly, we’ll wave at you after we’ve cut you off, flipped you off and all with no blinker…and then we will shoot ya! After the Texas howdy sign, the first commercial building you see in the Lone Star state is an adult video store! Yea for Bible belt porn!
Anyway, back to the “saving lives” part. I teach these classes and at the same time, I feel like I’m contributing to society, by promoting driver safety. It would sound cliché to say “even if it just helps one person”. Ego Danny says, “Hell no! I want it to SAVE every one of my students!” That’s why I’m designing a new curriculum for our school, that I think goes steps further than the minimum state requirements and it been sanitized for our student’s protection. For instance; when being pulled over by the cops, always pull over to the right had to shoulder or in a well-lit parking lot area, anywhere that is safe for you and Barney Fife. Don’t go reaching for your purse or into your glove box for any reason, Dirty Harry might think you are going for a gun or stashing dope. Keep your hands on the steering wheel and don’t argue with Sherriff Rosco P. Coltrane. This will most likely insure that you will have a pleasant traffic ticket experience. But if you do have a cop who is an ass, don’t argue, just take the ticket and report him later.
For the next few weeks, I’ll be including some of our curriculum dates and passing them on to you. Why, because I want it to help all of my five readers. Join me next week, until then…
Take care and be safe-
Danny Keaton