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YOU MIGHT BE A HORRIBLE DRIVER IF…

Someone once said “It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.”
You Might Be a Horrible Driver If…

  • You exclaim, while crossing three lanes of traffic to take your exit, “I’m going to take this exit if it kills me!”
  • You actually tailgate someone to death.
  • You get compliments from the Lancome counter lady, and you did your makeup in the car on the way to the mall.
  • You drive with your knees while eating a Big Mac.
  • You finally do use your signal and then forget to turn the darned thing off. Like the eternal signaler.
  • You walk into your defensive driving class and everyone in there knows your name (like Norm on Cheers).
  • Your defensive driving instructor asks you about your ticket and you reply “Which one?”
  • The police have a rubber stamp with your name and driver’s license number on it.
  • You can actually wallpaper a room with your tickets.
  • You finish a text message at a red light. And don’t try to deny it…we all do it.
  • Your first name is Speed and your last name is Racer.
  • Your front seat passenger is actually on your laptop screen through skype.
  • Your wife started framing your defensive driving certificates.
  • You think a yellow light means speed up.
  • You spent more money on your laser detection device than you did for your car.
  • Your insurance agent has put a restraining order on you.
  • You purposely don’t pay your tickets because you like the food at the jail.
  • You get frequent speeder miles on your credit card.
  • Your car’s nickname is “dent“.

As Dudley Moore once said “The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it.”

Until next week…try to keep it safe.

Daun Thompson

Daun Thompson: Daun Thompson has spent years acting in both film and theatre which has been paramount in launching her onto the comedy stage (incidentally, without a helmet, resulting in a nasty concussion). Being a funny girl is a full time job. A job that she hopes that one day will come with dental benefits and a 401K. Unlike her work, she is biodegradable, yet flame retardant. And gentle to the touch. Her goal in life??? For strangers to approach her and ask "Didn't you used to be somebody?" In the late 1980's she cut her teeth at the Velveeta Room on 6th Street in Austin, Texas ... the original room with the stripper pole. From there, she moved to northern California and worked with many comedy icons, like Mitch Hedberg, Marc Maron, Colin Quinn, Vic Dunlop, Huck Flyn, Michael Mancini, Doug Ferrari, Shang and Brian Posehn. Daun has been a licensed driver safety instructor and trainer with Comedy Defensive Driving for over 9 years. Her knowledge of driving safety laws keeps her readers informed and engaged with her blog adventures. She still continues to do stand-up comedy, sometimes in a reclining position...just to be different.